I disagree therefore I am human

Admin1: There cannot be a statement on which every human being can agree upon?

Dr. Gravytee: Strife for strife's sake is human nature.

A1: Even a statement such as "I am human" may turn out to be contentious.

Dr. G: There are many humans who think they are gods.

Hardening of the categories

Admin1: The worst disease afflicting humankind is hardening of the categories.

Doctor Gravytee: Removing the hardened categories inevitably leads to new discoveries.

A1: Academia is the bad cholesterol of science because most hardened categories occur in the academia leading to death of science.

Dr. G: Nature is divided into neat sections which can be taught in 4 years. This proves the anthropocentric principle. If nature were not naturally divided into academic sections humans would never be able to study nature.

A1: I personally believe in the unity of things.

Dr. G: Belief in unity of things leads in no new academic papers therefore it is wrong.

A1: Academic categories are immutable.

Dr. G: If they weren't there would be no human knowledge.

Free drug

Admin1: Is culture free? Here is a book by Lawrency Lessig Free Culture: How big media uses technology and the law to lock down culture and control creativity.

Dr. Gravytee: Culture or entertainment is the drug the Org uses to enslave humans. This book shows how humans fall for it every time.

A1: Alphysics is the other side of the coin.

Dr. G: The Big Media owns alphysics. Alphysicists are in the payroll of the Big Media.

Dark Matter

Admin1: When alphysicists do not know what the universe is made of they make the universe made of what they know.

Dr. Gravytee: Wrong. When alphysicists do not know what the universe is made of they make the universe made of what they do not know.

Ignorance is elegance

Admin1: Can you write a bestselling alphysics book without knowing the history of alphysics?

Doctor Gravytee: You can only write a bestselling book if you don't know nothing about history of alphysics, history of physics, and history of science.

Is physics alphysics?

Admin1: Is physics alphysics?

Doctor Gravytee: Yes.

Female Science

Admin1: The emergence of women from slavery changed the definition of science drastically.

Doctor Gravytee: We are living in a society defined by females.

A1: The consumer society.

Dr. G: Women are addicted to the new. Women are artists of the elegant waste. They buy it wear it once and throw it away.

A1: Elegant Universe has been created for female consumption.

Dr. G: Big Media defines science. Therefore, the consumer society created by women defines what science is.

Standard is the thing

Admin1: Physicists use experiments as false witness to establish a unit.

Doctor Gravytee: This is an old tradition in physics. It started with Coulomb's experiment, then Cavendish experiment, and then so called the discovery of the electron and the Millikan experiments are all definitions of new units by using experiments as false witness.

A1: If this is true physicists must be certified crooks.

Dr. G: It is not that simple. Take G. This is the so-called Newton's constant of universal gravity.

A1: Cavendish defined it.

Dr. G: No. Cavendish computed the mean density of the earth using Kepler's third law and called it an observation of Newton's law. In the 19th century hard core British Newtonists defined G in order to replace then prevalent Kepler's constant with G, the Newton's constant.

A1: Then when you see a constant in physics it is a definition?

Dr. G: Yes. You got it. Physicists make a definition. Fake an experiment and claim to have observed it. Then they enforce it as a constant of nature.

A1: Oh my God! Physicists are low life bottom dwellers! Low life snake oil salesmen and Shamans! I am so disillusioned.

Dr. G: Well, we are living in a world which is not atomic materialistic. So in a way, physicists prove that the world we live in is NOT atomic materialistic.

A1: Standard is the thing.

Dr. G: Yes. Exactly. There are no discontinuities in this world. It is all convention.

A1: This is so beautiful.

Dr. G: This is also so elegant.

Against Atomic Materialism

Admin1: We are living in a world which is not atomic and which is not materialistic.

Doctor Gravytee: That's right. Newton's religious belief in atomic materialism was imposed on the world as the true religion.

A1: Ever since Newton human beings see the world in atomic discontinuity.

Dr. G: Exactly. From childhood on we are indoctrinated to see a materialistic universe.

A1: But the world looks materialistic.

Dr. G: No. It doesn't. There are no discontinuities in the world we live in. There is no matter.

A1: There is no matter? Here I kick this wall and I proved that matter exists.

Dr. G: What did you prove? You just proved that the wall is denser than you.

A1: For neutrons the wall is transparent.

Dr. G: There are no neutrons in the sense physicists fool you into believing. There are no absolute particles. If there were there would be discontinuities in nature.

A1: There are no discontinuities.

Dr. G: Discontinuities cannot exist. All is one.

A1: The entire physics is bosh.

Dr. G: Exactly. Once Newtonist dogma will finally go away, humanity will take a free breath of scientific air.

Absurd

Admin1: It is well known that the founder of Alphysics Newton legalized absurd by making mixed proportionalities legal. How come this does not create a global uproar?

Dr. Gravytee: !!

Meaning and quantity

Admin1: There is a difference between meaning and quantity.

Doctor Gravytee: Alphysics is about experiment and quantity. Philosophy is about meaning.

A1: Alphysics is hard science where things are measured. Alphysicists do not waste time on polemical discussions such as meanings of symbols.

Dr. G: There is no reason to discuss meaning. Any symbol means whatever we say it means.

A1: Yet, quantity and meaning are related.

Dr. G: Meaning is quantity. Each quantity is a single definition of a symbol.

A1: Semantic alphysics comes before theoretical alphysics.

Dr. G: Theoretical alphysics comes before semantic alphysics. Alphysics is science. Everything else is not.

Elegant semantics

Admin1: Is semantic physics the enemy of Alphysics?

Dr. Gravytee: Semantic Alphysics is just semantics.

A1: You choose authority over meaning.

Dr. G: Alphysics is more than meaning. Alphysics has no meaning. Look at the most famous Alphysical theory.

A1: No one knows what String Theory is.

Dr. G: To discuss what String Theory is would be semantics.

A1: Mathematical semantics is good.

Dr. Gravytee: Whatever you say is semantics. Whatever I say is Alphysics. Alphysics is science. Everything else is semantics.

Virus and Orgus

Admin1: Virus and Orgus look so different but they are the same organism in different scales.

Dr. Gravytee: Both Virus and Orgus exist for the same reason. They both prey on humans.

A1: How come we perceive the Virus but not the Orgus as our enemy?

Dr. Gravytee: Humans have difficulty perceiving organisms which exist outside the range of their senses because they are indoctrinated since childhood by the Newtonian atomic materialist dogma.

Institute for Simplification of Alphysics

Admin1: You chair the board of Institute for Simplification of Alphysics

Doctor Gravytee: The sub-committee on the preliminary report to the introduction of the principles of simplification of Alphysics has been putting the finishing touches on their report.

A1: If simplified Alphysics would get very boring. How do you propose to simplify without making Alphysics boring.

Dr. G: Simplification in Alphysics is a technical term that laymen may not easily grasp.

A1: Entropy rules Alphysics.

Dr. G: Well said. There has never been an Alphysical equation which did not become more complex upon simplification.

Atomic materialism

Admin1: What makes things things are not their absolute atomicism but their motion.

Dr. Gravytee: If it moves together it is perceived as a thing. Either something moves or you can move through it. Both makes an organism a thing.

Principle or law of nature

Admin1: What is the difference between a principle and a law of nature?

Dr. Gravytee: A principle is an arbitrary definition invented by Alphysics Doctors to fill an annoying discontinuity in logic which is stopping Alphysics Doctors from arbitrarily defining a law of nature to save the Alphysics dogma.

If it is not alphysics it is not science

Admin1: Humor is the only way of saying something serious.

Dr. Gravytee: Your statement is not humourous therefore it cannot be serious.

A1: Is Alphysics the only way of saying something absurd?

Dr. G: No. Alphysics is the most scientific way of saying something absurd.

Cosmogonix

Admin1: Is cosmogonix a new science?

Dr. Gravytee: Cosmogonix is the old science of cosmology as practiced by Alphysics Doctors who specialize in Dogmatix.

A1: Who are the most famous Doctors of Cosmogonix?

Dr. G: Doctors Asterix, Obelix, Panoramix, are the most famous cosmogonixists ever lived in any universe.

A1: Including cartoon universes created by Alphysicists in general.

Dr. G: The medium is everything. The same cartoon universe expressed as a Lagrangian is called Alphysics, if it is experimentally proved by Doctors of Alphysics it is called religion, if it is presented in a serious book it is called cartoon.

The back page landscape

Admin1: The Big Media controls Alphysics.

Doctor Gravytee: From a business point of view Alphysics Doctors are free content providers for the Big Media. We get pitiful academic salaries and let the Big Media use what we produce in outrageously priced peer reviewed journals, and textbooks.

A1: And in bestsellers.

Dr. G: There is an immense imbalance of distribution of wealth in Alphysics. Big Media selects one star to be the face of Alphysics and the star gets an unfair share of the scholastic wealth produced by rank and file who gets nothing.

A1: The content of science is defined by the Big Media.

Dr. G: The entire scientific agenda is defined by the Big Media. By creating artificial rivalries among Alphysics Doctors the Big Media keeps science divided. Rivalries sells more books.

A1: Science is not sports.

Dr. G: Looking at String theory wars we see that the Big Media reduced Alphysics down to the level of sports.

Against asceticism

Admin1: Self is happiest when in room temperature.

Dr. Gravytee: A Doctor of Alphysicist is happiest when in absolute temperature.

A1: Why are you so fond of the absolute.

Dr. G: Absolute is proportional to authority.

A1: The more you are for the self the more you eliminate things which are not related to self, such as money and consumer items. Comfort and ownership of consumer items remove self from room temperature.

Dr. G: Look not for what you can eliminate but look for what you can add. Eliminating the superfluous decorations eliminate contextual meaning. In scholasticism words are not constants but variables. More variable, more authority.

A1: Variables vary with the context.

Dr. G: Authority defines the context. Circular reasoning is a circular fence keeping outsiders outside insiders inside. Scholasticism is a closed system. Only an Alphysicist can de-contextualize an Alphysics paper.

Mathematical Principles of Scientific Elegance

Admin1: Congratulations! Your new book Mathematical Principles of Scientific Elegance hit the bestseller lists.

Dr. Gravytee: Reader Beware: This a mathematical treatise there are no equations in this book.

A1: The Ministry of Definitions defined Mathematics = Equation.

Dr. G: Alphysical equation is a sophistical tool which is the opposite of mathematical precision. In my Principia I declare myself to be a contrarian Alphysicist: simple is elegant.

A1: Your Principia is to String Theory what iPhone is to Chartre Cathedral.

Dr. G: String theory defines baroque to be elegant. I say design is elegant not decoratively monstrous.

Newton's First Law of Scholasticism

Admin1: Today scholastic education consists of teaching Newtonian doctrine mixed with data analysis techniques.

Dr. Gravytee: If we just teach data analysis without Newtonian doctrine we would look like a trade school.

A1: Data analysis and Newtonian doctrine are two different subjects with no relation.

Dr. G: Newton's First Law of Scholasticism says that once in never out.

A1: Curriculum gets more and more complicated.

Dr. G: Anthropic Principle proves that it is not a coincidence that Nature is divided neatly into natural divisions that closely match academic departments. If Nature had not been divided into academic divisions naturally we could never make any scientific advances.

Experimental alphysics

Admin1: How many worthless academic experiments which cannot be considered scientific experiments do I need to show to alphysicists in order to convince alphysicists that alphysics is not an experimental science?

Dr. Gravytee: This is philosophy. We don't deal in philosophy.

Teachers of doctrines

Admin1: Is science the religion of Doctors of Philosophy?

Dr. Gravytee: A Doctor is defined as someone whose profession is to teach a doctrine.

A1: There is no doctor without doctrine.

Dr. G: There is no doctor without doctrine and there is no scholasticism without doctors.

A1: Where there is doctors there is scholasticism.

Dr. G: Where there is scholasticism there are rituals.

A1: Doctors sell their rituals as the doctrine.

Dr. G: Theological Doctors call their rituals religion Philosophical Doctors call their rituals science.

A1: Science must be something else.

Dr. G: Doctors have the authority to define what science is. We defined it as our ritual.

The twin paradox

Admin1: What is the twin paradox?

Dr. Gravytee: Twin paradox is a slapstick comedy where both twins claim to be the true scientist.

A1: Everybody claims to be a scientist. Even Alphysicists claim with straight face that they are scientists. How do we know who is the scientist and who is the evil scholastic twin impersonating science?

Dr. G: You can't. No one knows.

Academic Vaporware

Admin1: An Alphysics paper is vaporware.

Dr. Gravytee: If you eliminate all of the scholastic symbolism invented by Alphysics Doctors an alphysics paper would evaporate.

A1: That's why there are no Alphysics papers which cannot be simplified further.

Dr. G: An alphysics paper is like the heap of mud Marie Curie used as the raw material to distill. If you distill an alphysics paper you may end up with something.

A1: Or you may not.

Dr. G: Or you may not. So no alphysicist busies himself with such an academically counterproductive activity. It's better to write your own heap of scholastic symbolism.

Knowledge and Sharing

Admin1: Knowledge multiplies by sharing.

Dr. Gravytee: Sharing happens when what is shared is legible to both parties.

A1: What is the purpose of publishing a paper if not sharing?

Dr. G: Publishing an academic alphysics paper is not sharing. Alphysicists publish first and foremost to earn academic points and then to hide any information they may know. Alphysicists hide information in order to monetize it. The currency of scholasticism is authority.

A1: The currency of scholasticism is not knowledge!

Dr. G: What is monetized by alphysicists is authority not knowledge. That's why sharing is anathema to physicists. Note that an alphysicist will freely share with you what is already in public domain. But then you can google that.

A1: What is the purpose of Alphysics?

Dr. G: Shooting a paper at an innocent bystander is academic sniperism not sharing. No one gains from academic sniperism except the academic who gains a few academic points.

God and Mathematics

Admin1: Where does mathematics end and algorithm start?

Dr. Gravytee: Mathematics is owned. Algorithm is not.

A1: There are algorithms which are owned.

Dr. G: Owners of algorithms always call them mathematics.

A1: Mathematics is the scholastic baroque decorations on an algorithm.

Dr. G: Mathematics is like art. Mathematics is what a mathematician does.

A1: That goes for Alphysics too.

Dr. G: The importance of mathematics lies in the fact that we use it as authority.

A1: Mathematics is an authority much like God.

Dr. G: Our brother Doctors of Theology use the word God as their final authority. We the Doctors of Alphysics use Mathematics as our authority. Many people who have no fear of God are horrified by mathematics. They are our constituency.

A grotesque racket

Admin1: "The contrast between the grandeur of the words "Theory of Everything" and the meager information delivered becomes grotesque" says the Nobelist Alphysics Doctor Frank Wilczek.

Dr. Gravytee: For every Doctor of Alphysics who claims that Theory of Everything exists there is a Doctor of Alphysics who claims that Theory of Everything is Theory of Nothing.

A1: The Big Media wins.

Dr. G: Both camps of Doctors, pro and con, work for the Big Media.

A1: The Nobel Prize certifies a Doctor of Alphysics as a certified authority to sell books on scientifically flavored science fiction.

Dr. G: In order to sell more books there needs to be a reactionary group of Alphysics Doctors. And they contribute their own reactionary reactions to sell more books.

A1: Are you forgetting the Not Even Wrong camp?

Dr. G: You cannot even be joking. Not Even Wrong is the standard third state which Doctors of Alphysics use to sell even more books.

A1: Doctors of Alphysics are very predictable.

Dr. G: The ritual of right, wrong and not even wrong is sacred in Alphysics. You can see that any alphysics theory goes through this evolutionary process. Today it is happening faster than before that's why it became visible.

A1: Alphysics is a profitable racket.

Dr. G: Considering the level of academic salaries how can you blame us for corrupting science by selling more books.

A visit to a theoretical physics institute

Admin1: I just visited a theoretical physics institute and could not stop laughing.

Dr. Gravytee: It is true derivation looks funny to civilians.

A1: I saw theoretical physicists filling whole blackboards just to bring two symbols on either side of an equality sign.

Dr. G: Why don't they just write the two symbols without deriving it, right?

A1: A painter wanting to compare two shapes or colors simply brings them side by side. This is so funny. Imagine painters invented a silly ritual where in order to compare red and green you have to perform a ceremony by going through the whole color theory in order to derive red and green!! Every time a painter needs to use a color she needs to derive it!!! This is what theoretical physicists do with their symbols! lol.

Dr. G: There is some truth in this observation. An equation also compares two quantities. But as Doctors of Alphysics we are bound by centuries old true rituals. These rituals make physics the science that it is. If we don't go through these rituals as we are taught to do while we were students we could be hit by lightning thrown down to us by Newton.

A1: Do you pray to Newton every day?

Dr. G: Every Doctor of Alphysics says his prayers to Newton every day by at least cancelling the standard Force symbols from Newton's equations of motion. This gives us a great joy.

A1: But you already know the outcome.

Dr. G: We do. When you say your prayers to your god you know the outcome as well otherwise you cannot say your prayers.

A1: Why do you write F when you know F will cancel?

Dr. G: Force is Newton's Soul. This is the fundamental substance of the universe. If we don't write F we could not represent nature properly.

A1: Some of the theoretical physicists I saw were much more advanced. They used Lagrangian.

Dr. G: Lagrangian is a great prayer. Get into the habit of saying your Lagrangian every day. It is good for your scientific soul.

A1: What is a Lagrangian anyway?

Dr. G: Newton stole Kepler's law wholesale and sold it retail. The next generation of scholastic doctors had to make their own names. So they took Newton's retail and divided into more pieces by introducing more symbols. So R3T2 became lines and lines of greek symbols in the hands of Lagrange but when simplified said the same thing. Lagrangian is R3T2 in scholastic form.

Fools or Frauds?

Admin1: Are Doctors of Alphysics fools or frauds?

Dr. Gravytee: My dear friend, it is not as black and white as fools and frauds. As human being we have two options: Earn a living as a laborer. Or earn a living as a professional. Which one do you think is easier?

A1: Earning money as a professional is easier and professionals make more money.

Dr. G: John Adams didn't want to go to Harvard as his father told him to do. Then his father let him work on the farm for a while. He lasted three days and soon started running toward Harvard yard. Lesson?

A1: If you can, be a professional.

Dr. G: Scholastic Doctors have been the only professionals in Europe for millennia. If you wanted to avoid hard labor you tried to become a Doctor. When regular folks realized what ugly parasites Doctors of Theology have been, what did Doctors of Theology do?

A1: They changed their name and they become Doctors of Philosophy.

Dr. G: Exactly. In the nineteenth century philosophy too started to reek scholasticism and we quickly redefined our profession as alphysics.

A1: Fine. But are you folks fools or frauds?

Dr. G: Foolish frauds maybe. Frauds despite ourselves. Once you enter the profession and taste the easy life then it is easy to accept the scholastic religion called Newtonism. Once you accept it then you become a fraud perpetuating Newtonian religion as true science. The old story of selling your soul. Doctors become Newtonian fanatics and start abusing their authority.

A1: Is this why Doctors of Alphysics hate history and never read history?

Dr. G: Reading history can be bad for your Newtonian conscious.

A1: So you are not even fools?

Dr. G: We are. Doctors are fools. They are fooled by their own absolute belief in Newton's authority. That's why they see things where there are no things. Remember how scholastic doctors of the previous era looked through Galileo's telescope and saw nothing.

A1: That's understandable. It takes practice to see things with a telescope. I remember it took me a while to become an experienced observer.

Dr. G: True. Those doctors can be excused for not being able to see what Galileo saw. But today's Doctors of Alphysics see things where there is nothing.

A1: Like what?

Dr. G: A doctor will look at a falling stone and will see Newton's Soul emanating from the earth pulling the stone. A Doctor of Alphysics will look at 1/rr and see GMm/rr. Therefore doctors have a miraculous vision which are denied to civilians.

A1: Can this be called fools vision?

Dr. G: If you like to call it that, be my guest.

Professions I wish did not exist

Admin1: Berkeley Blog writes "Professions I just wish didn't exist then, now and forever are monks, nuns, priests, policemen, soldiers, high school vice principals, animal psychologists, prison guards, and executioners." She seems to have missed Alphysicists.

Dr. Gravytee: Monks + nuns + priests + policemen + soldiers + high school vice principals + animal psychologists + prison guards + executioners = A lot of damage to humanity. But this is nothing compared to the damage caused on human reason by Doctors of Alphysics. The fact that she is aware of the professional monopolies in other fields but not about the professional doctors of philosophy is the best evidence how stealth we are.

Fools genius

Admin1: Shaman #2 Doctor Randall is optimistic that "people will value truth over truthiness."

Dr. Gravity: Like people will value science over science flavored junk marketed by Doctor Randall.

A1: Doctor Randall declares people will no longer defer "to questionable authorities or visual media."

Dr. G: I believe something must have gotten lost in the transcription. She probably said "people will stop deferring to questionable authorities of the visual media."

A1: Doctor Randall is the most famous questionable authority of the visual media. How funny.

Dr. G: Fools genius like Randall are marketed by the Big Media to sell books. It would have been funny if it weren't so tragic.

Multifinition

Admin1: What is a multifinition?

Dr. Gravytee: A multifinition is a multiple definition. Here's an example:

universe = observable universe = everything that exist

A1: Is this some kind of doublespeak?

Dr. G: This is nspeak.

A1: This is polemical sophistry.

Dr. G: This is standard in cosmology. Cosmologists are low level alphysicists.

A1: Even their polemics is not as sophisticated as the sophistical polemics of masters of polemics the great Alphysicsts.

Dr. G: Thank you. Cosmologists make use of the authority of Alphysicists to ride the giant wave of sophistry now sweeping Alphysics.