A visit to a theoretical physics institute

Admin1: I just visited a theoretical physics institute and could not stop laughing.

Dr. Gravytee: It is true derivation looks funny to civilians.

A1: I saw theoretical physicists filling whole blackboards just to bring two symbols on either side of an equality sign.

Dr. G: Why don't they just write the two symbols without deriving it, right?

A1: A painter wanting to compare two shapes or colors simply brings them side by side. This is so funny. Imagine painters invented a silly ritual where in order to compare red and green you have to perform a ceremony by going through the whole color theory in order to derive red and green!! Every time a painter needs to use a color she needs to derive it!!! This is what theoretical physicists do with their symbols! lol.

Dr. G: There is some truth in this observation. An equation also compares two quantities. But as Doctors of Alphysics we are bound by centuries old true rituals. These rituals make physics the science that it is. If we don't go through these rituals as we are taught to do while we were students we could be hit by lightning thrown down to us by Newton.

A1: Do you pray to Newton every day?

Dr. G: Every Doctor of Alphysics says his prayers to Newton every day by at least cancelling the standard Force symbols from Newton's equations of motion. This gives us a great joy.

A1: But you already know the outcome.

Dr. G: We do. When you say your prayers to your god you know the outcome as well otherwise you cannot say your prayers.

A1: Why do you write F when you know F will cancel?

Dr. G: Force is Newton's Soul. This is the fundamental substance of the universe. If we don't write F we could not represent nature properly.

A1: Some of the theoretical physicists I saw were much more advanced. They used Lagrangian.

Dr. G: Lagrangian is a great prayer. Get into the habit of saying your Lagrangian every day. It is good for your scientific soul.

A1: What is a Lagrangian anyway?

Dr. G: Newton stole Kepler's law wholesale and sold it retail. The next generation of scholastic doctors had to make their own names. So they took Newton's retail and divided into more pieces by introducing more symbols. So R3T2 became lines and lines of greek symbols in the hands of Lagrange but when simplified said the same thing. Lagrangian is R3T2 in scholastic form.

Fundamenal Research

Admin1: Doctors of Alphysics claim that Alphysics is the only tool that can be used to do fundamental research.

Dr. Gravytee: The reason is Doctors of Alphysics are ignorant of history. They confuse professional mythology they learn at school with history. Alphysics education does not include a study of alphysics history. An average Doctor's knowledge of alphysics history is limited with the sidebars in Halliday & Resnick. The entire education of Doctors is dedicated in learning skills like solving partial differential equations and memorizing professional mythology such as what a great genius Newton was, has been, is and will be. In order to worship their God Newton Doctors of Alphysics invented a special prayer book called Celestial Mechanics.

A1: Celestial Mechanics is astronomy loaded with Newtonian symbols of vanishing kind.

Dr. G: Doctors eliminate those symbols and recover astronomy and congratulate themselve for saving Newton's authority. They call this ritual derivation.

A1: Why not use astronomy directly?

Dr. G: Are you suggesting that we stop hailing Newton's authority by not following exactly the laws he set out for us to follow?

A1: My apologies. I did not intend to propose such a scientific and revolutionary concept.

Dr. G: Doctors think high level frameworks they invented such as Celestial Mechanics, Mathematicism or Alphysics are tools with which they can do fundamental research because Newton told them so. But Alphysics as a whole has units and it is not suited for fundamental research it is only suited for philosophizing. And philosophy is what Doctors of Alphysics do.

A1: I see. You cannot study the fundamental with a tool which is not fundamental you can only write polemical philosophy with it.

Dr. G: Luckily Doctors of Alphysics have the hereditary authority to define what fundamental is. Therefore, each Doctor defines what he is doing at the moment as fundamental research which is about to reveal the most fundamental secrets of the universe.

Derivation

Admin1: I updated the label list.

Doctor Gravytee: You did well with the list except that you failed.

A1: Thank you.

Dr. G: I noticed that you removed the synonyms.

A1: Yes.

Dr. G: What for? Synonyms are where Alphysics is. How can you remove them. You need to add more synonyms so that we can start doing Alphysics.

A1: I am learning.

Dr. G: In rational systems which are not yet achieved the supreme abzurd state of Alphysics synonyms are seen as errors. In a rational list language you would write synonyms on the same line. They are equivalent. They are definitions. It doesn't matter if you call Doctor Greene Doctor Greene Mr. Greene, Greene, or use his Columbia employee ID number to identify him. But in non-rational systems such as Alphysics we define as many synonyms as possible and we write them on separate lines to create an illusion of hierarchy.

A1: I see. This way derivation becomes possible.

Dr. G: Yes. You are a fast learner. If you write synonyms as synonyms there would be no papers to write because synonyms are synonyms. If you order the synonyms as if they were different entities and then cancel them by derivation to obtain the root element you could write several papers.

A1: Isn't this a waste of time? Why write all those superfluous synonyms in order to cancel them?

Dr. G: Derivation is a Very Old Scholastic Polemics. It is glorious. Derivation is synonymous with Alphysics.