alphysics

I disagree therefore I am human

2007-05-03T23:02:00.000-04:00

Admin1: There cannot be a statement on which every human being can agree upon?

Dr. Gravytee: Strife for strife's sake is human nature.

A1: Even a statement such as "I am human" may turn out to be contentious.

Dr. G: There are many humans who think they are gods.

Hardening of the categories

2007-04-14T22:30:00.000-04:00

Admin1: The worst disease afflicting humankind is hardening of the categories.

Doctor Gravytee: Removing the hardened categories inevitably leads to new discoveries.

A1: Academia is the bad cholesterol of science because most hardened categories occur in the academia leading to death of science.

Dr. G: Nature is divided into neat sections which can be taught in 4 years. This proves the anthropocentric principle. If nature were not naturally divided into academic sections humans would never be able to study nature.

A1: I personally believe in the unity of things.

Dr. G: Belief in unity of things leads in no new academic papers therefore it is wrong.

A1: Academic categories are immutable.

Dr. G: If they weren't there would be no human knowledge.

Free drug

2007-04-10T20:04:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Is culture free? Here is a book by Lawrency Lessig Free Culture: How big media uses technology and the law to lock down culture and control creativity.

Dr. Gravytee: Culture or entertainment is the drug the Org uses to enslave humans. This book shows how humans fall for it every time.

A1: Alphysics is the other side of the coin.

Dr. G: The Big Media owns alphysics. Alphysicists are in the payroll of the Big Media.

Dark Matter

2007-04-09T20:06:00.000-04:00

Admin1: When alphysicists do not know what the universe is made of they make the universe made of what they know.

Dr. Gravytee: Wrong. When alphysicists do not know what the universe is made of they make the universe made of what they do not know.

Ignorance is elegance

2007-04-08T22:32:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Can you write a bestselling alphysics book without knowing the history of alphysics?

Doctor Gravytee: You can only write a bestselling book if you don't know nothing about history of alphysics, history of physics, and history of science.

Is physics alphysics?

2007-04-08T15:49:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Is physics alphysics?

Doctor Gravytee: Yes.

Female Science

2007-04-06T20:44:00.000-04:00

Admin1: The emergence of women from slavery changed the definition of science drastically.

Doctor Gravytee: We are living in a society defined by females.

A1: The consumer society.

Dr. G: Women are addicted to the new. Women are artists of the elegant waste. They buy it wear it once and throw it away.

A1: Elegant Universe has been created for female consumption.

Dr. G: Big Media defines science. Therefore, the consumer society created by women defines what science is.

Standard is the thing

2007-04-05T21:24:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Physicists use experiments as false witness to establish a unit.

Doctor Gravytee: This is an old tradition in physics. It started with Coulomb's experiment, then Cavendish experiment, and then so called the discovery of the electron and the Millikan experiments are all definitions of new units by using experiments as false witness.

A1: If this is true physicists must be certified crooks.

Dr. G: It is not that simple. Take G. This is the so-called Newton's constant of universal gravity.

A1: Cavendish defined it.

Dr. G: No. Cavendish computed the mean density of the earth using Kepler's third law and called it an observation of Newton's law. In the 19th century hard core British Newtonists defined G in order to replace then prevalent Kepler's constant with G, the Newton's constant.

A1: Then when you see a constant in physics it is a definition?

Dr. G: Yes. You got it. Physicists make a definition. Fake an experiment and claim to have observed it. Then they enforce it as a constant of nature.

A1: Oh my God! Physicists are low life bottom dwellers! Low life snake oil salesmen and Shamans! I am so disillusioned.

Dr. G: Well, we are living in a world which is not atomic materialistic. So in a way, physicists prove that the world we live in is NOT atomic materialistic.

A1: Standard is the thing.

Dr. G: Yes. Exactly. There are no discontinuities in this world. It is all convention.

A1: This is so beautiful.

Dr. G: This is also so elegant.

Against Atomic Materialism

2007-04-04T20:52:00.000-04:00

Admin1: We are living in a world which is not atomic and which is not materialistic.

Doctor Gravytee: That's right. Newton's religious belief in atomic materialism was imposed on the world as the true religion.

A1: Ever since Newton human beings see the world in atomic discontinuity.

Dr. G: Exactly. From childhood on we are indoctrinated to see a materialistic universe.

A1: But the world looks materialistic.

Dr. G: No. It doesn't. There are no discontinuities in the world we live in. There is no matter.

A1: There is no matter? Here I kick this wall and I proved that matter exists.

Dr. G: What did you prove? You just proved that the wall is denser than you.

A1: For neutrons the wall is transparent.

Dr. G: There are no neutrons in the sense physicists fool you into believing. There are no absolute particles. If there were there would be discontinuities in nature.

A1: There are no discontinuities.

Dr. G: Discontinuities cannot exist. All is one.

A1: The entire physics is bosh.

Dr. G: Exactly. Once Newtonist dogma will finally go away, humanity will take a free breath of scientific air.

Absurd

2007-01-27T20:45:00.000-05:00

Admin1: It is well known that the founder of Alphysics Newton legalized absurd by making mixed proportionalities legal. How come this does not create a global uproar?

Dr. Gravytee: !!

Meaning and quantity

2007-01-26T21:48:00.000-05:00

Admin1: There is a difference between meaning and quantity.

Doctor Gravytee: Alphysics is about experiment and quantity. Philosophy is about meaning.

A1: Alphysics is hard science where things are measured. Alphysicists do not waste time on polemical discussions such as meanings of symbols.

Dr. G: There is no reason to discuss meaning. Any symbol means whatever we say it means.

A1: Yet, quantity and meaning are related.

Dr. G: Meaning is quantity. Each quantity is a single definition of a symbol.

A1: Semantic alphysics comes before theoretical alphysics.

Dr. G: Theoretical alphysics comes before semantic alphysics. Alphysics is science. Everything else is not.

Elegant semantics

2007-01-25T20:30:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Is semantic physics the enemy of Alphysics?

Dr. Gravytee: Semantic Alphysics is just semantics.

A1: You choose authority over meaning.

Dr. G: Alphysics is more than meaning. Alphysics has no meaning. Look at the most famous Alphysical theory.

A1: No one knows what String Theory is.

Dr. G: To discuss what String Theory is would be semantics.

A1: Mathematical semantics is good.

Dr. Gravytee: Whatever you say is semantics. Whatever I say is Alphysics. Alphysics is science. Everything else is semantics.

Virus and Orgus

2007-01-24T20:06:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Virus and Orgus look so different but they are the same organism in different scales.

Dr. Gravytee: Both Virus and Orgus exist for the same reason. They both prey on humans.

A1: How come we perceive the Virus but not the Orgus as our enemy?

Dr. Gravytee: Humans have difficulty perceiving organisms which exist outside the range of their senses because they are indoctrinated since childhood by the Newtonian atomic materialist dogma.

Institute for Simplification of Alphysics

2007-01-22T21:21:00.000-05:00

Admin1: You chair the board of Institute for Simplification of Alphysics

Doctor Gravytee: The sub-committee on the preliminary report to the introduction of the principles of simplification of Alphysics has been putting the finishing touches on their report.

A1: If simplified Alphysics would get very boring. How do you propose to simplify without making Alphysics boring.

Dr. G: Simplification in Alphysics is a technical term that laymen may not easily grasp.

A1: Entropy rules Alphysics.

Dr. G: Well said. There has never been an Alphysical equation which did not become more complex upon simplification.

Atomic materialism

2007-01-21T22:43:00.000-05:00

Admin1: What makes things things are not their absolute atomicism but their motion.

Dr. Gravytee: If it moves together it is perceived as a thing. Either something moves or you can move through it. Both makes an organism a thing.

Principle or law of nature

2007-01-20T20:08:00.000-05:00

Admin1: What is the difference between a principle and a law of nature?

Dr. Gravytee: A principle is an arbitrary definition invented by Alphysics Doctors to fill an annoying discontinuity in logic which is stopping Alphysics Doctors from arbitrarily defining a law of nature to save the Alphysics dogma.

If it is not alphysics it is not science

2007-01-19T21:12:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Humor is the only way of saying something serious.

Dr. Gravytee: Your statement is not humourous therefore it cannot be serious.

A1: Is Alphysics the only way of saying something absurd?

Dr. G: No. Alphysics is the most scientific way of saying something absurd.

Cosmogonix

2007-01-18T21:54:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Is cosmogonix a new science?

Dr. Gravytee: Cosmogonix is the old science of cosmology as practiced by Alphysics Doctors who specialize in Dogmatix.

A1: Who are the most famous Doctors of Cosmogonix?

Dr. G: Doctors Asterix, Obelix, Panoramix, are the most famous cosmogonixists ever lived in any universe.

A1: Including cartoon universes created by Alphysicists in general.

Dr. G: The medium is everything. The same cartoon universe expressed as a Lagrangian is called Alphysics, if it is experimentally proved by Doctors of Alphysics it is called religion, if it is presented in a serious book it is called cartoon.

The back page landscape

2007-01-17T22:10:00.000-05:00

Admin1: The Big Media controls Alphysics.

Doctor Gravytee: From a business point of view Alphysics Doctors are free content providers for the Big Media. We get pitiful academic salaries and let the Big Media use what we produce in outrageously priced peer reviewed journals, and textbooks.

A1: And in bestsellers.

Dr. G: There is an immense imbalance of distribution of wealth in Alphysics. Big Media selects one star to be the face of Alphysics and the star gets an unfair share of the scholastic wealth produced by rank and file who gets nothing.

A1: The content of science is defined by the Big Media.

Dr. G: The entire scientific agenda is defined by the Big Media. By creating artificial rivalries among Alphysics Doctors the Big Media keeps science divided. Rivalries sells more books.

A1: Science is not sports.

Dr. G: Looking at String theory wars we see that the Big Media reduced Alphysics down to the level of sports.

Against asceticism

2007-01-16T22:05:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Self is happiest when in room temperature.

Dr. Gravytee: A Doctor of Alphysicist is happiest when in absolute temperature.

A1: Why are you so fond of the absolute.

Dr. G: Absolute is proportional to authority.

A1: The more you are for the self the more you eliminate things which are not related to self, such as money and consumer items. Comfort and ownership of consumer items remove self from room temperature.

Dr. G: Look not for what you can eliminate but look for what you can add. Eliminating the superfluous decorations eliminate contextual meaning. In scholasticism words are not constants but variables. More variable, more authority.

A1: Variables vary with the context.

Dr. G: Authority defines the context. Circular reasoning is a circular fence keeping outsiders outside insiders inside. Scholasticism is a closed system. Only an Alphysicist can de-contextualize an Alphysics paper.

Mathematical Principles of Scientific Elegance

2007-01-15T12:19:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Congratulations! Your new book Mathematical Principles of Scientific Elegance hit the bestseller lists.

Dr. Gravytee: Reader Beware: This a mathematical treatise there are no equations in this book.

A1: The Ministry of Definitions defined Mathematics = Equation.

Dr. G: Alphysical equation is a sophistical tool which is the opposite of mathematical precision. In my Principia I declare myself to be a contrarian Alphysicist: simple is elegant.

A1: Your Principia is to String Theory what iPhone is to Chartre Cathedral.

Dr. G: String theory defines baroque to be elegant. I say design is elegant not decoratively monstrous.

Newton's First Law of Scholasticism

2007-01-14T19:31:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Today scholastic education consists of teaching Newtonian doctrine mixed with data analysis techniques.

Dr. Gravytee: If we just teach data analysis without Newtonian doctrine we would look like a trade school.

A1: Data analysis and Newtonian doctrine are two different subjects with no relation.

Dr. G: Newton's First Law of Scholasticism says that once in never out.

A1: Curriculum gets more and more complicated.

Dr. G: Anthropic Principle proves that it is not a coincidence that Nature is divided neatly into natural divisions that closely match academic departments. If Nature had not been divided into academic divisions naturally we could never make any scientific advances.

Experimental alphysics

2007-01-13T18:13:00.000-05:00

Admin1: How many worthless academic experiments which cannot be considered scientific experiments do I need to show to alphysicists in order to convince alphysicists that alphysics is not an experimental science?

Dr. Gravytee: This is philosophy. We don't deal in philosophy.

Teachers of doctrines

2007-01-12T20:21:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Is science the religion of Doctors of Philosophy?

Dr. Gravytee: A Doctor is defined as someone whose profession is to teach a doctrine.

A1: There is no doctor without doctrine.

Dr. G: There is no doctor without doctrine and there is no scholasticism without doctors.

A1: Where there is doctors there is scholasticism.

Dr. G: Where there is scholasticism there are rituals.

A1: Doctors sell their rituals as the doctrine.

Dr. G: Theological Doctors call their rituals religion Philosophical Doctors call their rituals science.

A1: Science must be something else.

Dr. G: Doctors have the authority to define what science is. We defined it as our ritual.

The twin paradox

2007-01-11T21:06:00.000-05:00

Admin1: What is the twin paradox?

Dr. Gravytee: Twin paradox is a slapstick comedy where both twins claim to be the true scientist.

A1: Everybody claims to be a scientist. Even Alphysicists claim with straight face that they are scientists. How do we know who is the scientist and who is the evil scholastic twin impersonating science?

Dr. G: You can't. No one knows.

Academic Vaporware

2007-01-10T20:36:00.000-05:00

Admin1: An Alphysics paper is vaporware.

Dr. Gravytee: If you eliminate all of the scholastic symbolism invented by Alphysics Doctors an alphysics paper would evaporate.

A1: That's why there are no Alphysics papers which cannot be simplified further.

Dr. G: An alphysics paper is like the heap of mud Marie Curie used as the raw material to distill. If you distill an alphysics paper you may end up with something.

A1: Or you may not.

Dr. G: Or you may not. So no alphysicist busies himself with such an academically counterproductive activity. It's better to write your own heap of scholastic symbolism.

Knowledge and Sharing

2007-01-09T20:14:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Knowledge multiplies by sharing.

Dr. Gravytee: Sharing happens when what is shared is legible to both parties.

A1: What is the purpose of publishing a paper if not sharing?

Dr. G: Publishing an academic alphysics paper is not sharing. Alphysicists publish first and foremost to earn academic points and then to hide any information they may know. Alphysicists hide information in order to monetize it. The currency of scholasticism is authority.

A1: The currency of scholasticism is not knowledge!

Dr. G: What is monetized by alphysicists is authority not knowledge. That's why sharing is anathema to physicists. Note that an alphysicist will freely share with you what is already in public domain. But then you can google that.

A1: What is the purpose of Alphysics?

Dr. G: Shooting a paper at an innocent bystander is academic sniperism not sharing. No one gains from academic sniperism except the academic who gains a few academic points.

God and Mathematics

2007-01-08T18:52:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Where does mathematics end and algorithm start?

Dr. Gravytee: Mathematics is owned. Algorithm is not.

A1: There are algorithms which are owned.

Dr. G: Owners of algorithms always call them mathematics.

A1: Mathematics is the scholastic baroque decorations on an algorithm.

Dr. G: Mathematics is like art. Mathematics is what a mathematician does.

A1: That goes for Alphysics too.

Dr. G: The importance of mathematics lies in the fact that we use it as authority.

A1: Mathematics is an authority much like God.

Dr. G: Our brother Doctors of Theology use the word God as their final authority. We the Doctors of Alphysics use Mathematics as our authority. Many people who have no fear of God are horrified by mathematics. They are our constituency.

A grotesque racket

2007-01-07T13:15:00.000-05:00

Admin1: "The contrast between the grandeur of the words "Theory of Everything" and the meager information delivered becomes grotesque" says the Nobelist Alphysics Doctor Frank Wilczek.

Dr. Gravytee: For every Doctor of Alphysics who claims that Theory of Everything exists there is a Doctor of Alphysics who claims that Theory of Everything is Theory of Nothing.

A1: The Big Media wins.

Dr. G: Both camps of Doctors, pro and con, work for the Big Media.

A1: The Nobel Prize certifies a Doctor of Alphysics as a certified authority to sell books on scientifically flavored science fiction.

Dr. G: In order to sell more books there needs to be a reactionary group of Alphysics Doctors. And they contribute their own reactionary reactions to sell more books.

A1: Are you forgetting the Not Even Wrong camp?

Dr. G: You cannot even be joking. Not Even Wrong is the standard third state which Doctors of Alphysics use to sell even more books.

A1: Doctors of Alphysics are very predictable.

Dr. G: The ritual of right, wrong and not even wrong is sacred in Alphysics. You can see that any alphysics theory goes through this evolutionary process. Today it is happening faster than before that's why it became visible.

A1: Alphysics is a profitable racket.

Dr. G: Considering the level of academic salaries how can you blame us for corrupting science by selling more books.

A visit to a theoretical physics institute

2007-01-06T21:23:00.000-05:00

Admin1: I just visited a theoretical physics institute and could not stop laughing.

Dr. Gravytee: It is true derivation looks funny to civilians.

A1: I saw theoretical physicists filling whole blackboards just to bring two symbols on either side of an equality sign.

Dr. G: Why don't they just write the two symbols without deriving it, right?

A1: A painter wanting to compare two shapes or colors simply brings them side by side. This is so funny. Imagine painters invented a silly ritual where in order to compare red and green you have to perform a ceremony by going through the whole color theory in order to derive red and green!! Every time a painter needs to use a color she needs to derive it!!! This is what theoretical physicists do with their symbols! lol.

Dr. G: There is some truth in this observation. An equation also compares two quantities. But as Doctors of Alphysics we are bound by centuries old true rituals. These rituals make physics the science that it is. If we don't go through these rituals as we are taught to do while we were students we could be hit by lightning thrown down to us by Newton.

A1: Do you pray to Newton every day?

Dr. G: Every Doctor of Alphysics says his prayers to Newton every day by at least cancelling the standard Force symbols from Newton's equations of motion. This gives us a great joy.

A1: But you already know the outcome.

Dr. G: We do. When you say your prayers to your god you know the outcome as well otherwise you cannot say your prayers.

A1: Why do you write F when you know F will cancel?

Dr. G: Force is Newton's Soul. This is the fundamental substance of the universe. If we don't write F we could not represent nature properly.

A1: Some of the theoretical physicists I saw were much more advanced. They used Lagrangian.

Dr. G: Lagrangian is a great prayer. Get into the habit of saying your Lagrangian every day. It is good for your scientific soul.

A1: What is a Lagrangian anyway?

Dr. G: Newton stole Kepler's law wholesale and sold it retail. The next generation of scholastic doctors had to make their own names. So they took Newton's retail and divided into more pieces by introducing more symbols. So R3T2 became lines and lines of greek symbols in the hands of Lagrange but when simplified said the same thing. Lagrangian is R3T2 in scholastic form.

Fools or Frauds?

2007-01-05T22:03:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Are Doctors of Alphysics fools or frauds?

Dr. Gravytee: My dear friend, it is not as black and white as fools and frauds. As human being we have two options: Earn a living as a laborer. Or earn a living as a professional. Which one do you think is easier?

A1: Earning money as a professional is easier and professionals make more money.

Dr. G: John Adams didn't want to go to Harvard as his father told him to do. Then his father let him work on the farm for a while. He lasted three days and soon started running toward Harvard yard. Lesson?

A1: If you can, be a professional.

Dr. G: Scholastic Doctors have been the only professionals in Europe for millennia. If you wanted to avoid hard labor you tried to become a Doctor. When regular folks realized what ugly parasites Doctors of Theology have been, what did Doctors of Theology do?

A1: They changed their name and they become Doctors of Philosophy.

Dr. G: Exactly. In the nineteenth century philosophy too started to reek scholasticism and we quickly redefined our profession as alphysics.

A1: Fine. But are you folks fools or frauds?

Dr. G: Foolish frauds maybe. Frauds despite ourselves. Once you enter the profession and taste the easy life then it is easy to accept the scholastic religion called Newtonism. Once you accept it then you become a fraud perpetuating Newtonian religion as true science. The old story of selling your soul. Doctors become Newtonian fanatics and start abusing their authority.

A1: Is this why Doctors of Alphysics hate history and never read history?

Dr. G: Reading history can be bad for your Newtonian conscious.

A1: So you are not even fools?

Dr. G: We are. Doctors are fools. They are fooled by their own absolute belief in Newton's authority. That's why they see things where there are no things. Remember how scholastic doctors of the previous era looked through Galileo's telescope and saw nothing.

A1: That's understandable. It takes practice to see things with a telescope. I remember it took me a while to become an experienced observer.

Dr. G: True. Those doctors can be excused for not being able to see what Galileo saw. But today's Doctors of Alphysics see things where there is nothing.

A1: Like what?

Dr. G: A doctor will look at a falling stone and will see Newton's Soul emanating from the earth pulling the stone. A Doctor of Alphysics will look at 1/rr and see GMm/rr. Therefore doctors have a miraculous vision which are denied to civilians.

A1: Can this be called fools vision?

Dr. G: If you like to call it that, be my guest.

Professions I wish did not exist

2007-01-04T22:03:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Berkeley Blog writes "Professions I just wish didn't exist then, now and forever are monks, nuns, priests, policemen, soldiers, high school vice principals, animal psychologists, prison guards, and executioners." She seems to have missed Alphysicists.

Dr. Gravytee: Monks + nuns + priests + policemen + soldiers + high school vice principals + animal psychologists + prison guards + executioners = A lot of damage to humanity. But this is nothing compared to the damage caused on human reason by Doctors of Alphysics. The fact that she is aware of the professional monopolies in other fields but not about the professional doctors of philosophy is the best evidence how stealth we are.

Fools genius

2007-01-02T21:50:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Shaman #2 Doctor Randall is optimistic that "people will value truth over truthiness."

Dr. Gravity: Like people will value science over science flavored junk marketed by Doctor Randall.

A1: Doctor Randall declares people will no longer defer "to questionable authorities or visual media."

Dr. G: I believe something must have gotten lost in the transcription. She probably said "people will stop deferring to questionable authorities of the visual media."

A1: Doctor Randall is the most famous questionable authority of the visual media. How funny.

Dr. G: Fools genius like Randall are marketed by the Big Media to sell books. It would have been funny if it weren't so tragic.

Multifinition

2007-01-01T18:44:00.000-05:00

Admin1: What is a multifinition?

Dr. Gravytee: A multifinition is a multiple definition. Here's an example:

universe = observable universe = everything that exist

A1: Is this some kind of doublespeak?

Dr. G: This is nspeak.

A1: This is polemical sophistry.

Dr. G: This is standard in cosmology. Cosmologists are low level alphysicists.

A1: Even their polemics is not as sophisticated as the sophistical polemics of masters of polemics the great Alphysicsts.

Dr. G: Thank you. Cosmologists make use of the authority of Alphysicists to ride the giant wave of sophistry now sweeping Alphysics.

Ultimate Academic Achievement

2006-12-31T15:58:00.000-05:00

Admin1: What would you say is the dream of every Alphysics Doctor to achieve in his career?

Dr. Gravytee: To make a definition and have it named after yourself.

A1: That doesn't seem like a big deal.

Dr. G: I didn't want to raise anyone's hopes. The ultimate dream of any Alphysics Doctor is to start a school named after himself.

A1: I see. If your name is not Newton don't even try.

Dr. G: The second ultimate dream is to have a unit named after yourself.

A1: Not likely either.

Dr. G: There is a current war among Doctors of Alphysics to create a unit of surface. But there is no clear winner yet. As usual in such turf wars Doctors will perpetuate the war as long as they can and squeeze every ounce of publication possibilities. This way the process of negotiations itself becomes a legal scholastic discipline. The whole thing may last about a century.

Alphysics of Alphysics

2006-12-31T00:43:00.000-05:00

Admin1: How much alphysics do alphysicists use to do their work?

Dr. Gravytee: None.

A1: What do you use if not alphysics?

Dr. G: We use back of the envelope calculations then translate it to alphysics.

What is Science

2006-12-29T19:52:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Who defines science?

Doctor Gravity: Big Media defines science.

A1: What is science?

Dr. G: Science is what sells.

A1: How do we know it is science.

Dr. G: Go to science section.

Never Simplify, Popularize

2006-12-28T17:04:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Why do Doctors of Alphysics always popularize but never simplify?

Dr. Gravytee: If we simplify an equation we would get either an identity or a proportionality. If we popularize we may get a book contract.

A1: If you simplify you lose all your authority. If your equation is publicly legible your authority is not needed.

Dr. G: A Doctor of Alphysics has infinite authority.

A1: Infinite authority?

Dr. G: Yes. No force in the universe can revoke our license called the PhD which endows us with authority.

Legalize Absurd

2006-12-27T23:43:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Historians discovered that Newton titled his book Scholastic Principles of Mathematical Philosophy but the printer goofed and had the title set as Mathematical Principles of Natural Philosophy.

Dr. Gravytee: This is wishful thinking on the parts of historians. Newton would never have allowed such a thing to happen.

A1: You mean Newton would have proofread the galleys and made sure that the title was correct?

Dr. G: No. Newton wrote his Principia to be the monumental book of the Scholastic Principles of Mathematical Philosophy.

A1: Why didn't he use that title then?

Dr. G: Newton is the greatest marketing genius of all times. In marketing only one thing matters: You must talk to your market in the language your market would understand.

A1: Who was Newton's market.

Dr. G: Newton knew very well who his market was. Newton wrote his monumental book for his Scholastic colleagues.

A1: This makes sense. Only Scholastic Doctors of Philosophy could read books.

Dr. G: Scholastic Doctors of Theology were included in the audience Newton was aiming. Newton wrote for International Scholastic Doctors around the globe.

A1: Principia does not speak the language of scholasticism. It is a mathematical treatise. It is the most famous science book ever written.

Dr. G: Did you read Newton's Principia.

A1: Sure.

Dr. G: You mean you read the initial chapters where Newton discusses old scholastic subjects such as time, space, gravity, force, the universe, god's role in governing the universe and great polemical experiments such as the bucket experiment.

A1: Yes. I read all of that.

Dr. G: This is Newton's genius. Newton invented mathematical by association and experimental by association methods. By writing about philosophy and geometry under the same cover Newton united two scholastic disciplines.

A1: Doctors of Philosophy of today still use experimental by association.

Dr. G: Of course. It is a brilliant fraud against science.

A1: So all Newton did was to change the official language of scholasticism so that Doctors now philosophized with mathematics instead of Latin.

Dr. G: Philosophy is an old discipline. There is nothing wrong with philosophy as a scientific endeavor if done by scientists. Doctors of Philosophy are not scientists and they are not philosophers either. They are corruptors of languages. A Doctor of Philosophy is in fact a Doctor of the Absurd.

A1: Was absurd invented by Newton too?

Dr. G: No. Newton did not invent the absurd. Newton made the absurd legal in Scholasticism.

A1: How?

Dr. G: It was known for millennia that if you compare apples and oranges you would obtain an absurd result. Geometry and mathematics were good frameworks to investigate nature and they gave good results because it was forbidden to use mixed proportionalities in mathematics. Mixed proportionality is the comparison of apples and oranges.

A1: Did Newton make mixed proportionalities legal?

Dr. G: Open the best science book ever written and read the reference that I have given you. All of the absurd manufactured last three hundred years by Newtonian Doctors of Philosophy can be traced to Newton's marketing genius. He opened a whole new possibilities for Doctors to write commentary on by legalizing the absurd.

A1: If we make Newton illegal would we recover science?

Dr. G: We would. Post-Newtonian generation will enjoy Freedom of Science.

How stuff is made

2006-12-26T18:03:00.000-05:00

Admin1: In How stuff is made Natalie Jeremijenko is interested in investigating how stuff is made.

Doctor Gravytee: Alphysics is about how stuff is made as well. We are very interested about building blocks of the universe and the stuff which makes up the universe and even more, we are also interested in the stuff which does not make up our universe.

A1: Dark Matter.

Dr. Gravytee: If everything were visible that would be too boring.

A1: Assume that semi-famous Alphysics Doctor Lisa Randall decides to study how stuff is made. She picks up one of the same projects from the How stuff is made site: how are fortune cookies are made?

Dr. G: Lisa Randall too is interested in how stuff is made. But there is a difference. Natalie is a scientist. Lisa Randall is a Scholastic Alphysics Doctor. They think differently. To investigate how stuff is made Natalie investigates how stuff is made. Natalie does not try to fit how stuff is made into a 17th century doctrine. Lisa Randall has her doctrine and wants to fit nature into that doctrine. To investigate how stuff is made Lisa Randall does not investigate how stuff is made. She already knows how stuff is made, she is after absolutes.

A1: So Randall will apply her doctrines learned from books to the manufacture of cookies.

Dr. G: Doctor Randall would say that fortune cookies are made in China by Chinese by 17th century methods called the Standard Model of making cookies. Then Lisa would write down equations that will reveal all of the messages in all of the universes that one can find in fortune cookies. This great discovery she will call Lisa’s Theory of Everything.

A1: But fortune cookies are manufactured in Philadelphia.

Dr. G: Faced with this experimental fact Doctor Randall will simply use her immense mathematical skills and write

Philadelphia = China

A1: That looks like a definition.

Dr. G: If Philadelphia = China is written in Nambu-Goto flavored action in AdS/CFT renormalized correspondence space you cannot tell that it is a definition.

Fundamenal Research

2006-12-25T17:29:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Doctors of Alphysics claim that Alphysics is the only tool that can be used to do fundamental research.

Dr. Gravytee: The reason is Doctors of Alphysics are ignorant of history. They confuse professional mythology they learn at school with history. Alphysics education does not include a study of alphysics history. An average Doctor's knowledge of alphysics history is limited with the sidebars in Halliday & Resnick. The entire education of Doctors is dedicated in learning skills like solving partial differential equations and memorizing professional mythology such as what a great genius Newton was, has been, is and will be. In order to worship their God Newton Doctors of Alphysics invented a special prayer book called Celestial Mechanics.

A1: Celestial Mechanics is astronomy loaded with Newtonian symbols of vanishing kind.

Dr. G: Doctors eliminate those symbols and recover astronomy and congratulate themselve for saving Newton's authority. They call this ritual derivation.

A1: Why not use astronomy directly?

Dr. G: Are you suggesting that we stop hailing Newton's authority by not following exactly the laws he set out for us to follow?

A1: My apologies. I did not intend to propose such a scientific and revolutionary concept.

Dr. G: Doctors think high level frameworks they invented such as Celestial Mechanics, Mathematicism or Alphysics are tools with which they can do fundamental research because Newton told them so. But Alphysics as a whole has units and it is not suited for fundamental research it is only suited for philosophizing. And philosophy is what Doctors of Alphysics do.

A1: I see. You cannot study the fundamental with a tool which is not fundamental you can only write polemical philosophy with it.

Dr. G: Luckily Doctors of Alphysics have the hereditary authority to define what fundamental is. Therefore, each Doctor defines what he is doing at the moment as fundamental research which is about to reveal the most fundamental secrets of the universe.

Newton's Wig

2006-12-24T19:22:00.000-05:00

Admin1: An authority symbol always becomes fodder for jokes for the next generation.

Dr. Gravytee: The word Newton has been a synonym for genius and science since eternity.

A1: Why was he wearing a wig?

Dr. G: That was cool at the time.

A1: You are saying that if the brand is set up professionally and maintained well and updated carefully the symbols of authority will never become jokes.

Dr. G: Newton is backed up by the most sophisticated marketing department in the world.

A1: Newton's contemporaries from Holland used elaborate lace collars as authority symbols.

Dr. G: More likely as status symbols. But your status brought authority as well.

A1: Will this symbol of authority ever become fodder for jokes?

Dr. G: It looks remarkably like fine lace worn by the Dutch. Authority symbols work both ways. They also imprison its owner. When you have a Lagrangian around your neck that's more like a garrote than a decoration.

A1: According to the author of that link Lagrangian is on its way out.

Dr. G: There is a confusion there. Alphysics is divided in its use of lace. Doctor Carroll who dismisses Lagragian practices at CalTech where Lagrangian is fashionable. At University of Chicago only Hamiltonian is used. These formalisms come and go.

A1: To me a Lagrangian looks as old fashioned and funny as lace collar. I wonder why it is still around.

Dr. G: Today we have computer programs which do what Lagrangian was invented to do in the 18th century. The scholastic alphysics bureaucracy is an immense bureaucracy. Once the Lagrangian entered the books it could never be removed.

A1: So if alphysics Doctors were in charge of developing writing instruments for humanity we would still be writing with quill pens not typing on a keyboard.

Dr. G: You got the idea.

Scholasticism is Cool

2006-12-23T21:42:00.000-05:00

Admin1: There is a new post in Freedom of Science describing how Doctors of Alphysics write their papers. Do you agree?

Doctor Gravytee: Yes. This is how modern Aphysics papers are written. I agree with most of it. I never read any papers written by another Doctor of Alphysics. There is no point. It is a total waste of time. I skim the title and the summary in the arxiv.org and I write my own stuff. Remember that you don't get academic points for reading papers. You get academic points for publishing papers.

A1: What about the shampoo analogy.

Dr. G: He may have gone overboard with the shampoo analogy but it is true in its essence. He is definitely right about the sleaze factor. When you read the blogs of Doctors of Strings employed by venerable institutions such as Columbia and Harvard Universities you would be shocked how sleazy can these people get. If there is science pornography they are it.

A1: Your blog is clean.

Dr. G: We are about Alphysics not about string theory. Alphysics is an old tradition. String theory is on its way out.

Science, Progress and Garages

2006-12-22T17:53:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Yippee! Congratulations! You had your first comment!

Dr. Gravytee: Nothing to be excited about. I get thousands of comments every day. I just thought this one was the first one worth approving.

A1: I see. I agree with everything your anonymous commenter said.

Dr. G: I don't.

A1: Obviously science is not a unit that is measured.

Dr. G: We can measure progress if we define a unit for it. I defined the unit to measure progress as the building of a mechanical clock. The commenter gave that as an example of one of the greatest achievements of Europeans.

A1: What about thousands of years humans spent to discover the alphabet.

Dr. G: Alphabet is an agreed upon set of symbols. What humans needed to discover was that only when parties agree upon a standard that communication becomes possible. Today our real alphabet is the QWERTY keyboard which has many more symbols than the "classic" alphabet still taught in schools out of scholastic inertia.

A1: You are so impressed with the present century. Without the previous centuries we wouldn't be here.

Dr. G: I don't subscribe to the continuous progress view. The break from the European scholastic tradition when pilgrims migrated to the new continent made this century possible not a build up on European scholasticism.

A1: There are more scientists today than in previous centuries.

Dr. G: Regular folks/Doctors ratio has stayed the same throughout history. The amateur scientist/Doctors ratio is also a constant. Amateur scientist type mentioned by the commenter always makes the new discoveries. Edison comes to mind. These are the people who tinker in their garages and discover new stuff. Doctors park their cars in their garages.

Same Doctors Different Name

2006-12-21T18:34:00.000-05:00

Admin1: All the raw materials needed to discover radio waves were in existence 2000 years ago.

Doctor Gravytee: True. Look at Hertz' experiment it is so simple and beautiful.

A1: Why didn't anybody else thought about it before?

Dr. G: The European society was based on a scholastic model where a professional priestly group controlled the human knowledge database.

A1: Just like the monopoly Doctors of Alphysics enjoy on human reason?

Dr. G: Same doctors different name. Doctors allowed only a handful of people to work in science. If instead of 10, there were 100,000 human beings working on science and technology fields then there would be more scientific discoveries done faster.

A1: But there were great scientific discoveries made in Europe, such as great mechanical clocks.

Dr. G: Today the progress humans make every year is more than the Scholastic Europeans could make in 2000 years. Therefore if you think human potential equals building a mechanical clock in 2000 years of civilization then you may consider that a great advance. But I don't believe that it is. Take the advance of mechanical clock in 2000 years as unit of human potential. I would say that human potential is more than that? How much more?

A1: Maybe million times more?

Dr. G: How about a billion times more. It is only European self-serving propaganda to market 1/1,000,000,000 progress to be epitome of scientific progress. There is no discernible European progress in 2000 years when you compare that progress to the rate of advancement of today.

A1: That's very little progress.

Dr. G: The estimate above is actually favorable to Europeans. In reality there was negative progress. Humans are still trying to recover from the intellectual scars inflicted by Doctors on humanity. Consider that European Doctors burned alive any poor soul who dared to show any feeble signs of scientific thinking.

A Billion Derived Equations

2006-12-20T16:07:00.000-05:00

Admin1: You don’t want to buy 13 crappy songs on a CD big publishers want to sell you so that you can have 1 song that you like. Same with alphysics. What crap you buy in alphysics in order to get 1 thing you want?

Dr. Gravytee: In alphysics you get about a billion derived equations which are useless variations on one fundamental idea: R3T2.

The Hierarchy Problem

2006-12-19T19:49:00.000-05:00

Admin1: What is the hierarchy problem in Alphysics?

Doctor Gravytee: Hierarchy problem occurs when the fundamental parameters of fame of practitioners in the String Theory Lagrangian field are vastly different (usually academically incompatible) than the parameters evaluated and assumed to exist experimentally by practitioners themselves.

A1: You mean there is an absolute hierarchy in the String Theory?

Dr. G: Hierarchy is absolute because each practitioner in String Theory overly overestimates his authority mass. But professional academic mythology prescribes an absolutely true measurement of authority proportional to number of papers published plus seniority plus rank.

A1: I know this is called renormalization.

Dr. G: Typically the renormalized parameters are closely related to the fundamental parameters self-estimated by practitioners, but in some cases, it appears that there has been a delicate cancellation between the fundamental quantity and the quantum corrections to it. Therefore, it is clear that hierarchy problem is related to fine-tuning problems and the problems of naturalness.

A1: An example please.

Dr. G: A famous Doctor of Alphysics, Doctor Weinberg is a Nobel laureate and measures his authority mass by heavily weighing in his Nobel prize, and therefore he places his absolute position in the hierarchy of Alphysics to be on top, at least nearly on top, maybe just below Einstein. Doctor Weinberg claims that it is an experimental fact that he is a top tier Alphysicist. Doctor Weinberg assumes academic renormalization and counts his Nobel as fine-tuning bonus.

A1: This is an experimental fact if there is any in Alphysics.

Dr. G: But Doctor of Philosophy Doctor Greene has vastly more fame than Doctor Weinberg and Doctor Greene's measurements of his authority shows exceptionally high elegantly fine tuning of fine-tuning terms and furthermore Doctor Greene adds some clever quantum corrections to his status connected to the vacuum oscillations created by his best-seller books in the Amazon spacetimes indicators and creates not only a hierarchy problem but a true hierarchy crisis.

A1: I see. Doctor Weinberg could not agree that his Nobel counts nothing against the elegant tunings of Doctor Greene just because Greene sold more books.

Dr. G: Greene on the other hand claims that Weinberg's Nobel renormalized well when it was new but now it is old news and it has re-depracated beyond re-renormalization. This is the hierarchy problem. It is fascinating science. This is the cutting edge of Alphysics.

Freedom of Science

2006-12-18T21:58:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Freedom of Science is the most fundamental human right.

Doctor Gravytee: May be so but humans are not aware of this yet. Since the beginning of history scientific authority always resided with rulers, tyrants, and deities.

A1: A ruler is a human.

Dr. G: Originally all rulers made sure to deify themselves. They were not humans. This is the origin of marketing which is the oldest science.

A1: Doctors of Alphysics are the modern tyrants who obstruct the free flow of information therefore deny humans freedom of Science.

Dr. G: The true authority resides with Newton. Doctors of Alphysics come and go Newton is absolute and immortal.

A1: Newton's Soul is the substance which permeates the entire universe. No wonder he is immortal. Is there a way to free humanity from this religious tyrant?

Dr. G: Yes. Humans must unite and then the rest will come.

A1: That would be the end of Alphysics.

Dr. G: Not at all. We'll change the name of Alphysics to the new science whatever that is. We'll then donate to humanity the day the Big School changed its name as a global holiday and humans will be happy.

Thus Spoke the String Theory

2006-12-17T12:26:00.000-05:00

Admin1: It seems that for the most famous Doctor of Philosophy Doctor Greene the words Universe and Cosmos are synonyms. The famous Doctor of Alphysics states that “during the last few years there has been tremendous progress in the search for the deepest laws governing the universe." Then he adds that “the next decade will be a formative time and holds the promise of fundamental breakthroughs in our understanding of the cosmos."

Doctor Gravytee: This is true in general for every Doctor of Alphysics who has achieved a certain degree of fame. Once you reach that level of fame you can define any two words to be synonyms at your will.

A1: Is there a difference anyway?

Dr. G: Cosmos is an old word. Cosmos is a defined universe.

A1: What does this mean?

Dr. G: Remember the scholastic hoax?

A1: Doctors of Alphysics make a definition and enforce it as the absolute true standard.

Dr. G: Yes. Branding has been the basic method of Scholastic Doctors since the beginning of history.

A1: The most famous Doctor Greene therefore defined a stringy cosmos and has been marketing it as the absolute true universe.

Dr. G: The slick marketing campaign conducted by global publishing houses sponsoring Doctor Greene makes it impossible for people to perceive the cosmogonic declarations of Doctor Greene as comical religious speculations. What is remarkable about the most famous Doctor Greene's statement is that it is boilerplate polemical sophistry used by politicians every day. Just change some words: "During the last few years there has been tremendous progress in our fight against poverty... The next decade will be a formative time and holds the promise of fundamental breakthroughs in our work to eradicate poverty as we know it." The most famous Doctor Greene has mastered the media relations quite well.

A1: Are you saying that Doctor Greene is a synonym for Shaman.

Dr. G: I used to think so. But now I am not so sure. A shaman is supposed to be an authoritative charlatan who entertains his constituency while supplying some useful physic.

A1: What is physic?

Dr. G: Physic is popularized alphysics. Think about snake oil.

A1: Ok. So, Doctor Greene is not even a shaman.

Dr. G: Doctor Greene has crossed over into entertainment and has gone physic. He is an entertainer in 10 dimensions and a shaman only in 1 dimension.

A1: And that dimension where he is a shaman is curled up in a matterless universe?

Dr. G: Thus spoke the String Theory therefore it must be true.

Is String Theory a Sham or a Hoax?

2006-12-16T18:06:00.000-05:00

Admin1: You have called the most elegant theory ever devised by Scholastic Alphysics Doctors to be a Scholastic Sham. Aren't you being a little too elegant yourself by calling such a hoax to be only a sham?

Dr. Gravytee: You are right I am an elegant Alphysics Doctors but you are wrong that I called String Theory merely a Sham. String Theory is a sham which is a Scholastic hoax.

A1: I see. By calling the String Theory a hoax you are emphasizing that Doctors of Alphysics intend to deceive.

Dr. G: Doctors of Alphysics are delusional fanatics of Newtonian religion.

A1: What does the String Theory have to do with Newtonism.

Dr. G: String theory is the latest version of Newtonist religion. If you look up why Doctors of Alphysics created the String Theory you would see what I mean.

The Invisibility of the Org

2006-12-15T20:48:00.000-05:00

Admin1: It is fascinating to realize that we only notice some things only when they start to crumble.

Doctor Gravytee: Traditionally humans experience difficulty to perceive organisms which are too small to perceive with unaided eye and also things which are too big to perceive.

A1: Like bureaucracies?

Dr. G: Yes. Bureaucracies are organisms as real as computer programs or viruses. But humans cannot perceive them.

A1: But we know that there exists something called "the media."

Dr. G: Media is a giant organism. The media exists because they have a protected monopoly on the database of knowledge. This database may be called "news." Giant media own the database and sell it to their customers. They control the channel of distribution as well as the database itself. Gathering of information, creation of database, and the distribution are all controlled by the giant media.

A1: Today citizens have access to the database. We can blog, we can take our news photos...

Dr. G: True. People perceive some kind of change but we have been under the influence of the media so long that we still believe in the standards of the media.

A1: Such as?

Dr. G: The media is a professional industry. Any professional industry is based on authority. In order to add value to their product the media invented a concept of impartial reporting of the news. They pretended to despise conflict of interest. They claimed editorial departments and advertising departments did not know about each other.

A1: Isn't this a good thing?

Dr. G: Not at all. This idiotic notion of impartiality makes sense when the media controls the flow of information. When the information is available for anyone to review the customer no longer cares about the separation of editorial and the advertisements.

A1: Why?

Dr. G: Today, top bloggers still make sure that they disclose for instance that they do not own any shares of a startup they are writing about. Why do I care if they own shares or even if they are paid by the company they are writing about. They are not the only source of information. I could read at least a dozen reviews of a new product in half an hour. If a reviewer is biased and skewed by his association with the company he is reviewing he would lose credibility.

A1: You are saying that the burden lies with the customer not with the professional.

Dr. G: Of course. The professional is free to hype, to exagerate, to lie and to be an evangelist of the product he is trying to sell. It is the customer's duty to decide to believe or not to believe. It is the old way to treat the customer as a baby and as a retarded idiot who cannot tell the hype from an impartial review.

A1: When the media controlled the source of information they sanctified the concept of impartiality in order to gain authority. When they had authority then their customers believed their stories and reviews. Customers had no way of checking the information they had to take the authority of the media because the media claimed fair reporting.

Dr. G: Today we don't need this authority thing anymore. When information is freely available to anybody, the professional better be credible or the customer will simply check the data for himself.

A1: How do all this relate to Alphysics?

Dr. G: Alphysics is a similar kind of con game. The media corresponds to the scholastic hierarchy. The database is alphysics code. The professionals are the alphysic doctors. The customers are the buyers of books and believers who buy into the cosmogonic scenarios of Doctors of Philosophy.

A1: Once we perceive that scholasticism is a real profession, the oldest bureaucracy in existence, and a corporate entity as real as GM or IBM then we see that scholasticism is no different than these companies.

Dr. G: There is no difference. The fact that scholastic corporation does not have a corporate identity in the form of a logo does not make it a non-corporation. For profit corporations at least create value since they produce and sell a product people can use. Doctors of Philosophy who work for the giant scholastic corporation produce nothing useful.

Does String Theory cause lead poisining

2006-12-14T20:07:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Union of Concerned Scientists issued a list of examples of political interference in science. Alphysics and its sub-science the String Theory is not listed. This may mean that government does not interfere with Alphysics or Alphysics is not science.

Dr. Gravytee: It may also be that Alphysics is not kind of science worth interfering with. These concerned scientists are concerned about public issues. Alphysics is an elegant theory with absolutely no practical or god forbids proletarian effects. Doctors of Alphysics are arrogantly elegant elitists. This is what sells books. In cosmic and cosmogonic matters public wants authority. We project authority by being arrogantly elegant and elitists. These concerned scientists are concerned about things like lead poisining. None of the spacetimes or backgrounds real or virtual that we use in String Theory cause lead poisoning or that we care to calculated such things.

A1: True. There is no Union of Concerned scientists who are concerned about intellectual string poisoning so you don't have to worry.

Dr. G: String theory is poison only for people who are elegantly impaired. We have nothing to do with them.

Scholastic Rip Off

2006-12-13T20:25:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Rip Van Winkle awakens in the 21st century after a hundred-year snooze and he is bewildered by what he sees. Women dash about half naked and go aworking for big corporations which did not even exist then. Women and men talk to small metal devices pinned to their ears or they have white strings dangling from their ears. Young people instead of working sit at home on sofas, moving miniature athletes around on electronic screens. Airports, hospitals, shopping malls--every place Rip goes just baffles him. But when he finally walks into a schoolroom, the old man knows exactly where he is. "This is a school," he declares. "We used to have these back in 1906. Only now the blackboards are green."

Doctor Gravytee: Poor old Rip is ignorant of Alphysics. The rate of change of giant bureaucracies is asymptotically close to zero. Scholasticism is one of the oldest and biggest bureaucracies in existence.

A1: I see. Scholasticism transcends national boundaries, it is a protected monopoly, it has no incentive to change. Therefore it does not change. As long it can grow it never changes.

Dr. G: It changes so slowly that it is not even perceptible.

A1: What happens if instead of Rip, Newton woke up from his slumber and came visit us?

Dr. G: Newton would be delighted to see that the religion he established, the Newtonism based on the faith he called Newton's Soul, is stronger than ever. At Newton's death no schools in the new continent taught Newtonism. In the new continent Benjamin Franklin was considered a true scientist not Newton. Newton will be glad to see that the old British colony is now teaching its students the British Newtonist religion as the state religion.

A1: But Newtonism is science not religion.

Dr. G: This is the point. Since Newtonism is taught to you as science when you learned your alphabet you cannot tell that Newtonism is religion. Newton will be so happy to see that his religion is still taught as science.

A1: What happens if Benjamin Franklin came to visit our century?

Dr. G: Benjamin Franklin would be shocked to see that a British religion is being taught to the students of the nation he saved from the British colonization.

A1: Franklin denied the authority of the King of Britain and the authority of the self-declared British King of Mechanics. Now he sees that British colonialists infiltrated the nation at its core. That must be devastating to Benjamin Franklin.

Dr. G: Exactly. Newton wanted to meet the great Benjamin Franklin as if to make him a favor but Franklin could never find the time. Why? Franklin was a free born. He was a citizen not a subject. He could think for himself. He had no need for the authority of the British King or the authority of the British science deity.

A1: This is so true. The reason Benjamin Franklin was able to discover the true laws of electricity was because he denied the authority of the British Newton.

Dr. G: Obviously. But Newton will be happy to see that in alphysics textbook used today in US schools Benjamin Franklin is not mentioned but Newton is mentioned as the god of science taking credit even for the discovery of science of electricity discovered by Franklin.

A1: This cannot be just to Franklin. By teaching the British Newtonist religion to our children we are betraying our heritage. We are betraying the legacy of founding fathers! We are actually teaching our children a 17th century British occult religion instead of science of Benjamin Franklin! Just thinking about this gives me shudders.

Dr. G: That's why Newton is the greatest marketing genius of all times. Newton will see that he was right in every marketing move he made. But Newton is also worried.

A1: Why?

Dr. G: Newton is worried about the Internet. He doesn't like what he sees. Newton is for absolute authority for his disciples who call themselves today physicists. Once citizens have free access to knowledge the authority of the Newtonian Doctors of Philosophy is diluted. The authority of the Newtonian Doctors of Philosophy who call themselves today physicists and cosmologists are based on the fraud that they propagate namely that they know something citizens do not know. Today citizens can easily verify that Doctors of Philosophy are charlatans. They are the latest version of the old shamans except that today they are licensed to practice shamanism when they obtain their license to practice shamanism, the PhD.

A1: Newton's worry is not justified. Internet is already doctored by the Newtonian doctors.

Dr. G: Well. Funny isn't it. Citizens can never win against the Doctors. Citizens are free and independent so they act freely and independently. Doctors act as a group of Newtonist zealots and they are stronger.

A1: We the people already missed one opportunity to get rid of the Doctors when the printing press was invented. Today the Internet is almost lost to Doctors.

Dr. G: Newton will win again.

Who is Afraid of Crackpots

2006-12-12T19:02:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Why are Doctors of Alphysics so worried about what they label as crackpots?

Doctor Graytee: Doctors of Alphysics have absolute monopoly on crackpottery. Doctors have no intention of sharing their monopoly in this lucrative field.

A1: But what Doctors labeled crackpot just two years ago now it is mainstream alphysics.

Dr. G: True. This is the internet era. Doctors have been very fast in doctoring the internet. In the last century it took about a decade for science fiction scenarios to appear in peer reviewed alphysics journals as true alphysics. Now most Doctors own blogs and they adapt to the cutting edge of cracpottery faster than ever.

Experimental by Association

2006-12-11T20:02:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Some blogger writes: "We do not need Popper's theories to classify alphysics to be outside science. This is more a legal issue because what alphysicists and cosmologists are doing is fraud."

Doctor Gravytee: There cannot be fraud in an industry which is not regulated. Alphysics is not regulated. Doctors of Alphysics are the jury and the judge.

A1: Doctors define what fraud is.

Dr. G: Sure. We are not going to define fraud as what we do.

A1: In the legal world guilt by association is illegal. In Alphysics experimental by association is legal.

Dr. G: String Theory is an experimental science by association. Cosmology is experimental by association. This is a well established principle in Alphysics.

A1: How does experimental by association work?

Dr. G: Very complicated. You need to know how M-Theory works and what M stands for. But in layman's term, take a database of white noise of some radiation or other, preferably collected by NASA, define it as a cosmic radiation and draw a beautifully colorful computer graphics. Art directors of the New York Times love colorful graphics which fill up a lot of white space between ads and they will publish your computer graphics as the latest experimental verification of the Big Bang. Voila! You have proved the most famous cosmogonic mythology by experimental association.

A1: Alphysics at its best.

Dr. G: Alphysics is an experimental science by association.

Hereditary Scientific Authority

2006-12-10T18:08:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Doctors of Alphysics got the concept of measurement and its relation to science all wrong.

Doctor Gravytee: Doctors measure in impeccable precision what each other know. In this case knowledge refers to the legal code of alphysics usually abbreviated to alphysics. Doctors of Alphysics couldn't care less about the measurement of phenomena.

A1: Really?

Dr. G: Doctors enjoy hereditary scientific authority. This authority gives them unquestioned authority to define what science is. Therefore, they define whatever it is that they think would advance their career the fastest by selling the most books to be science.

A1: Doctors of Alphysics have the hereditary scientific authority to define and what is measured does not matter. They can define the measurement whatever they want it to be.

Dr. G: Exactly. If you have the heridetary authority to define what is measured why measure it in the first place? Why bother to make measurements? The scientific protocol requires that there exists some kind of measurement to save Newton's sacred authority. Newton defined Alphysics to be an experimental science, so we must not change the appearance of practicing an experimental science.

A1: I see. If the measurements of phenomena do not fit their career goals Doctors redefine the measurement to make nature agree with their career goals. This is an old trick of scholasticism. But why Doctors measure so precisely and obsessively each other's knowledge?

Dr. G: The measurement of what your colleagues know is necessary in order to move up in the shcolastic bureaucracy. All through their careers Doctors of Alphysics must pass standardized tests in order to move up on to the next level. As a Doctor moves up the scholastic ladder he earns more authority points. You can tell that a Doctor has arrived, more or less, when he starts to complain loudly about how many Doctoral students he has to supervise and how many requests for reviews he gets. This is all part of accummulating authority points.

A1: But observations show that some Doctors of Alphysics simply rocket through to the top of the hierarchy instead of climbing patiently the scholastic ladder according to the millennia old rules. How come?

Dr. G: The reason for this is usually explained by this formula:

A :: (R + S) * F^2

Clearly a Doctor who has very little rank and seniority but has fame would have the most authority. Rank and seniority being equal, perceived fame gains a Doctor the most authority.

A1: I see. This is why a Doctor, any Doctor, wouldn't hesitate a moment to sell his scientific soul in order to get a quote into the New York Times Science section.

Dr. G: It is a crooked game, yes. It's been dog eat dog in the scholastic business for a long time. Either you have authority or you don't . If you don't have authority you cannot get grants, cannot do research you want, cannot be published in top journals and New York Times won't be calling. Therefore, it is absolutely positively crucial to measure how much authority each Doctor has so that the pecking order is established correctly.

A1: It seems to me that Doctors' crooked ways do not stop with sanctifying the measurement of Doctoral authority and despising real data.

Dr. G: You are mistaking in that. Doctors never say they despise data. Data is sanctified so that the measurement of scholastic authority can be defined as science. You get it?

A1: Doctors defined the measurement of each others' authority to be science?

Dr. G: Just look how much time a Doctor of Alphysics spends on doing measurements of authority.

A1: Are you saying that Doctors of Alphysics turned scholastic arrogance and zealotry into an artform?

Dr. G: Doctors of Alphysics have been blocking the development of human knowledge since the beginning of history. This is our job. This is why we get paid for. It is nothing new. Get used to it.

Cosmic Guacamole

2006-12-09T14:37:00.000-05:00

Admin1: A woman in California filed suit against Kraft Foods, Inc., claiming that the company commits fraud by calling a dip product guacamole.

Doctor Gravytee: I hope that the news does not get around. As long as the media presents it as yet another curiousity from California we should be OK.

A1: Alphysics connection is obvious isn't it? The woman is very logical. She says that the main ingredient in guacamole is avacoda. Kraft Foods sells a product as guacamole which does not contain avocado. Therefore, this logical woman reasons that what Kraft Foods sells as guacamole is not guacamole.

Dr. G: This poor woman obviously has no awareness of how science works.

A1: You mean how alphysics works.

Dr. G: Alphysics is science.

A1: The giant unhuman corporation which ironically calls itself Kraft "Foods" was concerned enough to change the labeling in their guacamole which is not guacomole.

Dr. G: To what?

A1: They'll change the label to read "avocado-flavored guacamole."

Dr. G: That's a dangerous compromise! What's next? Someone will sue Alphysics Doctors because there is no science ingredient in our cosmogonical scenarios and string theory enchilada? What nonsense!

A1: No problem. You will just change your label: "String Theory: Best Science-flavored scenario ever. Dip your curiosity in our rich science flavor made with plenty of artificial cosmogonic colorings and number mysticism, scholastic sophistry and metaphysical polemics."

Dr. G: String Theory is now at revolution number XXX and it has 10 per cent more improved science flavor in it.

A1: Are you going to add some experimental flavor in the next revolution?

Dr. G: You bet.

The Greene Religion

2006-11-25T23:07:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Your predictions are coming true, the most famous Doctor of Philosophy Doctor Greene has turned himself into a movie star.

Doctor Gravytee: String theory predicts that if it can be special effected then it is predicted by String Theory and it gets the stamp of approval of the most famous Doctor Greene.

A1: Why is this religion?

Doctor Gravytee: In the millennia old turf wars between Doctors of Philosophy and Doctors of Theology who are fighting to save the souls of the same innocent people to fatten their stomachs and pockets each group of Doctors claims to represent the true authority and insults his counterpart as being an ignorant and unfaithful moron with a defective authority to support his far fetched cosmogonic claims. Doctor Greene will never get tired of comparing creationism and the String Theory. This is what his constituency wants to hear.

A1: We know this from politics.

Doctor G: Yes, politicians are also professionals who use the same trick on their constituency.

A1: So are you saying that both standard religions of Doctors of Theology and the alphysical religion evangelicized by the Most Famous Doctor Greene are religions?

Dr. G: Exactly. Doctors themselves created this duality which does not exist. Most famous Doctor Greene the String Theory evangelist claims that creationism is religion but String Theory is science.

A1: This sounds right. The most rigorous String Theory is based on absolutely true and rigorous mathematicism and makes exact predictions in the form of special effects which are then experimentally proved by Doctor Greene who successfully reenacts them in his movies. Creationism on the other hand is based on the authority of a book written in a dead language two thousand years ago by sandal wearing peasants who never heard of special effects and therefore did not know about science and believed in not reproducible special effects such as people coming out of their graves three days later still smelling myrrh.

Dr. G: Yes. Cosmogony is religion. The claimed authority for cosmogonic speculations is not relevant. Whatever authority Doctors claim to sell their cosmogonic scenarios their cosmogonic scenarios are still cosmogonic scenarios sold as religion.

A1: I see. If it is cosmogony it is religion. It doesn't matter what authority Doctors use to support their cosmogonic lies.

Dr. G: Each cosmogonic religion is fraud. To substantiate their fraud so that they can sell more books Professional Doctors need an authority that people will trust.

A1: This makes sense. Two thousand years ago for the illiterate Mediterranean peasants the written word was the authority. If the Word said that the dead was raised from the dead they believed it. They never heard of mathematical String Theory which predicts raising of the dead by time travel.

Dr. G: True. For today's illiterate citizens the mathematics is the absolute authority. This is why they believe the String Theory and the scientific claims of dead routinely raised by Doctor Greene during his travels in various spacetimes.

A1: Doctors of Philosophy are so clever that they keep raising the illiteracy bar. As their constituency wise up and learn about their obscurantist tricks Doctors make the language of authority more and more complicated and proprietary and hidden so that they can define their constituency as illiterates. People finally learned to read but now they are defined by Doctors as mathematically illiterate.

Dr. G: It is amazing how such a simple fraud still works. Not much changed in two thousand years.

A1: Except the medium in which the Doctors screw their constituency.

Dr. G: Yes. Doctors of Alphysics are pretty much controlling the Internet and they are transitioning to the movies.

A1: Nothing surprising here. Doctors of Alphysics have been writing scenarios for the last 75 years or so. It is about time that they turned those scenarios into movies.

Dr. G: Doctors are now defining the popular culture and they are hip. The most famous Doctor Greene, the new face of modern religion for the masses, knows that today fiction becomes truth only when it is fictionalized in a movie.

A1: Another String Theory revolution cannot be far off.

Dr. G: Who knew that the M in M-Theory stood for the Media.

A1: That explains all.

Dr. G: True. The M-Theory is the Theory of Everything and the Media explains it all.

Hidden assumptions

2006-11-14T22:18:00.000-05:00

Admin1: Freeman Dyson has a new book: The Scientist as Rebel.

Doctor Gravytee: Dyson's total misunderstanding of Newton distinguishes him as one of the important alphysicists of our time. In his latest book Dyson argues that the best way to understand science is by understanding those who practice it. He tells stories of scientists at work, ranging from Isaac Newton's absorption in physics, alchemy, theology, and politics to Ernest Rutherford's discovery of the structure of the atom.

A1: The number of hidden assumptions in this sentence is more than usual even for an alphysicist.

Dr. G: Well, yes, Dyson is a famous alphysicist. The more famous an alphysicist is the more hidden assumptions he can cram in a sentence.

A1: He calls Newton a scientist.

Dr. G: Not only that he makes Newton practice physics. The word physics was invented in the 19th century because the general population was realizing that people who called themselves natural philosophers in honor of Newton's book's title were nothing other than the same scholastic Doctors who have been praying on human reason for millennia.

A1: Newton did not know what physics was.

Dr. G: Rutherford's discovery of structure of atom??

A1: Why? You don't believe Rutherford discovered the structure of atom?

Dr. G: Yes of course. He did in the mythology of alphysics.

How do Woit, Greene and Motl rate in Baez' crackpot index

2006-11-12T19:36:00.000-05:00

Admin1: According to Baez' famous crackpot index you get "50 points for claiming you have a revolutionary theory but giving no concrete testable predictions." Are famous string theorists crackpots?

Doctor Gravytee: Not at all. In Alphysics String theory is a acutely revolutionary theory since it revolutionizes itself every two years. All the predictions we make are testable. It is a minor detail that they are testable in uncommon universes of 11 dimensions that alphysicists will create in colliders that is being built by NASA beyond solar system by the Pioneer space craft. Once that collider is inaugurated it will prove all the testable predictions the String Theory makes.

A1: When?

Dr. G: NASA and General Dynamics, the contractor, is predicting ontime delivery on November 12, 2106 at 19:44:11pm.

A1: So precise. This is incredible. One hundred years from now to the second the String Theory will be verified exactly as you say now.

Dr. G: Correct.

A1: This is so exciting!! It will be a first since the universe started that NASA and one of its contractors will deliver a project on time. This shadows any experimental proof of String Theory. If they can deliver a collider beyond the solar system built by a decommissioned spacecraft on time there will be no doubt that the universe is as elegant as predicted by Doctor Greene.

Dr. G: Yes the most famous Doctor Greene will inaugurate the extra-solar system by traveling throught spacetime in one of the time machines that Doctor Baez and his students are building right now.

Doctoring Internet

2006-10-23T22:41:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Is the web being doctored?

Doctor Gravytee: Sure. Web made people access information traditionally controlled by Doctors of Alphysics.

A1: Doctors were in danger of losing their monopoly on human reason.

Dr. G: No such danger. Web has been doctored already. At this point Doctors control the web already.

A1: I don't think so.

Dr. G: Doctors of Alphysics have momentum. They will protect their territory. No longer will their traditional proprietary information be freely available in the Internet.

Mathematical polemics

2006-10-19T21:43:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Doctors of Alphysics Latinized mathematics.

Doctor Gravytee: Doctors of Alphysics made science social science. Mathematics is their Latin.

A1: Now I see. It was only yesterday teaching of Latin was glorified as the fundamental source of knowledge. Mathematics replaced Latin as the source of knowledge. Then Doctors of Alphysics turned mathematics into social science.

Doctor Gravytee: You need to be careful. You may be insulting Doctors of Alphysics. Social Science is science whether it is social or not. Alphysics is not science and it will never be.

A1: How do you define mathematics in Alphysics?

Dr. G: Mathematics in Alphysics is a word which starts with M therefore it is extremely well defined and well-known.

A1: You mean it is undefined like M-Theory.

Dr. G: M-Theory is not undefined. You are missing the important but subtle detail. Mathematics is multiply defined.

A1: Mathematics means whatever Doctors of Alphysics want it to mean.

Dr. G: Exactly.

Calculus Cobol

2006-10-19T00:01:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Is teaching Calculus today is like teaching Cobol as the cutting edge programming language today?

Doctor Gravytee: Exactly. What is called mathematics and calculus has been taken over by computer languages. When calculus was invented it was like a computer language. It allowed people to calculate tangents easily.

A1: Then why teach a dead language?

Dr. G: You need to understand the dynamics of bureaucracies. Alphysics is an immense bureaucracy. Once a department in a bureaucracy has been established it will never ever go away. Calculus is taught out of habit not because it is useful in anyway.

A1: Latin disappeared.

Dr. G: Latin has never disappeared. It changed its name to calculus.

Wrong is Cool

2006-10-16T20:56:00.000-04:00

Admin1: I love the synergy between the media and Alphysics.

Doctor Gravytee: Media is our best friend.

Admin1: We know that Alphysics is part of the entertainment/publishing complex but I didn't know that Alphysics belonged to the fringes of entertainment at the level of what used to be called the burlesque:

Cosmologists know there is something seriously wrong with the standard Big Bang cosmological model. The magnitude of the cosmological constant—a mathematical representation of the energy of empty space—predicted by this theory differs from the measured value by a factor of 10¹²⁰.

Dr. G: This quote is typical Alphysics. There is not one single meaningful statement in this quote. This statement is not even wrong in terms of punctuation.

A1: You mean it is so wrong that it is not even grammatically wrong.

Dr. G: Yes. "Mathematical representation of the energy of empty space!" This is sad stuff.

A1: I cannot stop laughing. I am sorry. The predicted value of the cosmological constant differs by the measured value by gigantic factor...

Dr. G: Funny stuff. The writer is a good Alphysics reporter. The average reader would say "Wow, look at the difference between the theoretical and the measured value," and be awed for a moment and continue to the sports section. But the punchline is the word "measured." Measured value of "cosmological constant?" What a joke! Now you see why Alphysics is so entertaining.

The String theory of the previous generation

2006-10-15T20:44:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Is Alphysics made of String Theory alone?

Doctor Gravytee: Fifty years ago when Einstein's General Relativity entered academia Alphysicists of the time were as hip as String theorists of today. Today General Relativity is a textbook fare. Doctors of Alphysics proved General Relativity so well and so many times that they cannot get enough of it and they are still proving it. It is easier to prove experimentally theories which are recognized by NSF as good theories to prove. There will be a Doctor of Alphysics proving Einstein's General Theory of Relativity as long as NSF doles out grants for experimental proofs of General Relativity.

Revolutions in Alphysics

2006-10-13T06:58:00.000-04:00

Admin1: What does Revolution mean in Alphysics?

Doctor Gravytee: String Theory fully conforms to the modern consumer society.

A1: String Theory is always 100% *NEW* and *IMPROVED*.

Dr. G: Previously cosmogonical speculations such as Newton's laws were designed to be around for centuries. Generations of humans consumed the same cosmogonical speculation and were happy with it. In our fast-paced consumer society we throw away a perfectly good jacket after using it a few times and buy a new one. The same behavior is reflected in cosmogonical fashions as well. String Theory is designed to change every academic season.

A1: String revolutions are then just marketing of new and improved versions of the theory?

Dr. G: Exactly. "5% more Experimental" is a standard slogan in String Theory packaging. Experiment, like M-Theory, is a secret ingredient of the String Theory. Every season the theory gets more experimental by making testable predictions in farther and farther away in time. String theory experimentally predicts when the Big Crunch will happen to one-hundredth of a second. Since the Big Cruch will happen in the 11th dimension this also proves the existence of 11 dimensions.

A1: What happens to millions of pre-revolutionary papers written by Alphysicists when a new revolution is announced?

Dr. G: With the possibilities of new media Doctors of Alphysics output so much String Theory wisdom that every season they discard the accumulated junk and start over and call this process a revolution.

Marketing, Alphysics and String Theory

2006-10-10T22:00:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Top three labels are Doctors of Alphysics, Marketing and String Theory.

Doctor Gravytee: How does the String Theory reach general public?

A1: Through popular books.

Dr. G: That is marketing. What is the subject of String Theory?

A1: It is cosmogony.

Dr. G: Yes. Cosmogony means the chase of ultimates. Whether it is the ultimate smallest or the ultimate farthest or the ultimate container, String Theory has all the answers.

A1: As far as I know String Theory revolutionized Alphysics by revolutionizing itself every three years.

Dr. G: The revolution of the String Theory lies in its nothingness. String Theory explains nothing. It has been known to Doctors of Alphysics for millennia that the most ultimate answers are empty vessels. Today's Doctors reinvented the empty vessel of their ancestors in the most elegantly existential theory ever devised by Alphysicists. The Ultimate Unknown the M theory explains all. This is pure elegance.

The separation of data from its display

2006-10-09T23:04:00.000-04:00

Admin1: XML documents do not carry information about how to display data.

Dr. Gravytee: This is very unelegant and it won't be acceptable in Alphysics circles.

A1: Single XML tags are invented by the author of the XML document, browsers do not know if a tag like *table* describes an HTML table or a dining table.

Dr. G: In Alphysics a word *word* describes any word defined by the Doctor in that namespace.

A1: This is confusing. String Theory does not conform to namespace.

Dr. G: *namespace* is a word. Therefore, in Alphysics *namespace* means whatever I say it means now. Few minutes later I will use *namespace* to mean its opposite.

A1: So in Alphysics *table* means a dining table and an HTML table.

Dr. G: Centuries ago, when mathematics was a new topic and Doctors were inventing its rules displaying mathematics was through geometry. Today mathematical displays are pictorial.

A1: Therefore, in Alphysics mathematical displays are not mathematical but pictorial and polemical.

Dr. G: Surely. Nature spared us from the ubiquitous photoshop ball stretching the fabric of spacetimes. Such a thing does not exist in nature. Both spacetimes and its fabric and the photoshop ball are elegant branding.

A1: Very Confucian.

Dr. G: Confucius fought hard against the Doctors of Alphysics of his time to rectify the language so that table meant table but he did not succeed. After Confucius many have tried. They all failed. In the 17th century Fermat tried to rectify geometry in order to remove all the scholastic and Alphysical layers of junk Doctors added on geometrical figures in order to corrupt geometry so that they can use the authority of geometry to further their careers. Fermat too failed.

Scholastic Berlin Walls

2006-10-08T22:38:00.000-04:00

Admin1: In today's society there are Berlin walls separating parts of knowledge. These boundaries are artificial. Nature is one. The boundaries are invented by Professional Doctors to protect their careers and the investment they made to themselves. These boundaries are good for Doctors' well being but they are not good for human well-being. Therefore, by pulling down these scholastic Berlin Walls dividing human knowledge into artificial parts the human progress will be helped. The origin of hording knowledge goes back to European peasant, the human squirrel.

Doctor Gravytee: Correct.

Is science science

2006-10-08T19:47:00.000-04:00

Admin1: In the list we have only two humans mentioned.

Doctor Gravytee: Not true. Remember Alphysics is marketing. In marketing we create an exact replica of the human and mythologize the replica. In rational systems this cannot be done. If you try to name two files on your desktop with the same name you would get an error message. Windows is a rational system. Two items with the same name would not make sense to a rational system. In Alphysics the more synonyms the better.

A1: In reality there are two Newtons and two Doctors Greene. One mythological and one human.

Dr. G: Yes. Alphysics uses the mythological Doctor Greene.

A1: Mythology is secular religion. So I should put Newton and Doctor Greene under religion?

Dr. G: Yes, in theory. But remember we don't want to use old and tired words. Religion is an old and tired word with an image problem. Alphysics is science. So create a category called science and put Alphysics and String Theory under that category.

A1: Will do.

Derivation

2006-10-08T19:34:00.000-04:00

Admin1: I updated the label list.

Doctor Gravytee: You did well with the list except that you failed.

A1: Thank you.

Dr. G: I noticed that you removed the synonyms.

A1: Yes.

Dr. G: What for? Synonyms are where Alphysics is. How can you remove them. You need to add more synonyms so that we can start doing Alphysics.

A1: I am learning.

Dr. G: In rational systems which are not yet achieved the supreme abzurd state of Alphysics synonyms are seen as errors. In a rational list language you would write synonyms on the same line. They are equivalent. They are definitions. It doesn't matter if you call Doctor Greene Doctor Greene Mr. Greene, Greene, or use his Columbia employee ID number to identify him. But in non-rational systems such as Alphysics we define as many synonyms as possible and we write them on separate lines to create an illusion of hierarchy.

A1: I see. This way derivation becomes possible.

Dr. G: Yes. You are a fast learner. If you write synonyms as synonyms there would be no papers to write because synonyms are synonyms. If you order the synonyms as if they were different entities and then cancel them by derivation to obtain the root element you could write several papers.

A1: Isn't this a waste of time? Why write all those superfluous synonyms in order to cancel them?

Dr. G: Derivation is a Very Old Scholastic Polemics. It is glorious. Derivation is synonymous with Alphysics.

String Theory is here to stay

2006-10-08T13:35:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Do you have a grudge against String Theory?

Doctor Gravytee: Regardless of the recent books against it the String Theory is strong and well. String Theory is here to stay. Now there are more Doctors of Philosophy of the Strings than all the other Doctors of Philosophy combined.

A1: But why does the String Theory exist? Is it here to replace Alphysics?

Dr. G: String Theory is a manifestation of Alphysics. String Theory is the buzzword we use to sell books.

A1: Is there another reason besides selling books why String Theory exists?

Dr. G: There is the official party line and then there is the true reason. The official party line is that two different nebulous monstors created by Alphysicists are found to be incompatible by their creators. Alphysicists have been trying to reconcile these two abzurd by producing more extreme abzurd. String Theory has been chosen by the publishing industry as the best profitable of the many competing Alphysics scenarios. The publishing industry has chosen Doctor Greene as the spokesperson of this modern religion as science.

A1: And what is the true reason?

Dr. G: The true reason why String Theory exists is because Newton existed.

Is Alphysics legal

2006-10-08T12:24:00.000-04:00

Admin1: What Latin is to Law Mathematics is to Alphysics.

Doctor Gravytee: Exactly. In Alphysics we use

specialized words and phrases unique or nearly unique to Alphysics, such as, "it is easy to prove that..." and "it is well known that...." "we have proved in our previous paper that..."

everyday English words that when used in Alphysics have different meanings from everyday usage, such as action, string, force, to know, everything, zero, one, equal to... the list goes on and on. We actively and explicitly corrupt the English language and we are very proud of it.

archaic vocabulary. Alphysics employs a fairly large number of outdated words and phrases that were formerly part of everyday English but are today rare except in Alphysics. Most of them date from the 17th century. Most are long abandoned outside Alphysics. The entirety of almathematics can be cited as example of archaic vocabulary.

loan words and phrases from other languages: in this category are terms derived from German and the mechanism in German of combining words to make a new word, most famous example of which is the spacetime.

A1: There is a need for Plain English movement in Alphysics too.

Dr. G: There is no such need. Archaism is an essential ingredient of Alphysics. Legalese is bad but Alphysics is twice as bad as legalese but we market our brand so well that Alphysics stands for Science.

A1: Alphysics = Legalese?

Dr. G: No. Alphysics = 2Legalese. Legal professionals are totally ignorant of marketing. They think marketing is bad and they do not protect their brand. We use the legalistic archaic obscurantism we call Alphysics to obtain six-figure book contracts in order to explain what we obscure.

Bugs are features of the Theory

2006-10-07T19:11:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Then, what is mathematics?

Dr. Gravytee: Mathematics is the XML of the 17th century.

A1: Or was.

Dr. G: Yes. Was. Today's mathematics has no error that is why mathematics is so bloated.

A1: Alphysics is doubly bloated.

Dr. G: In XML the program does not continue to process when it finds an error. But with HTML it is possible to create documents with lots of errors. This is the reason why HTML browsers are so bloated and why they are so incompatible. Each browser has its own way of figuring out what a document should look like when it encounters an HTML error.

A1: Wow! It's like, I mean, browsers are Doctors of Alphysics!

Dr. G: In Alphysics each Doctor of Alphysics has his own way of defining his own favorite Universe. And each of these Universes are based on an error in mathematics.

A1: For example, division by zero became the famous black hole!

Dr. G: You see why Doctors of Alphysics will never give up their authority over mathematics. If and when Doctors of Alphysics give up their authority over mathematics and, say, chose XML as their professional language they will no longer be able to invent absurdities based on linguistic abuse and sell them as true science in bestselling books.

A1: That's a scary thought. But it will never happen.

Dr. G: True. It will never happen. Once a bureaucracy is created, and in this case it is a lucrative bureaucracy feeding the giant entertainment industry, it will never go away. Never.

A1: But it will change its name.

Dr. G: Yes.

Alphysics by Association

2006-10-06T07:39:00.000-04:00

Admin1: To claim to have measured the radiation from the mythological origin of the cosmos seems like another example of Scholastic Sham.

Doctor Gravytee: Not at all. It is a good example of Alphysics by Association.

A1: I see. It is like experimental String Theory.

Dr. G: Of course. In Alphysics, more specifically in String Theory, the experimenter measures the period of the moving part of a gadget. He then associates his measurement with an absurd claim made by the String Theorist.

A1: When Alphysics will become a regulated industry such behavior will be non-compliant.

Dr. G: Alphysics will not be regulated.

White noise analysis yields Nobel Prize

2006-10-04T21:26:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Congratulations! Two alphysicists won the Nobel Prize.

Doctory Gravytee: They are not true Alphysicists. Everyone wants to be alphysicists. Alphysics is glamorous. Database analysis is not glamorous.

A1: They are awarded the Nobel Alphysics for this year. And cosmogony and cosmology are well-established alphysical subjects.

Dr. G: Alphysicists have been inventing defined cosmoses for millennia. These Nobel Laureates are really number crunchers. Their profession is data reduction not alphysics. Alphysics is an elegant science. No alphysicist would work for NASA.

A1: I see. There are three different fields: Cosmogony, database analysis and Alphysics.

Dr. G: These three are irreconcilably disconnected. For political reasons NASA must have a "scientific payload." They need to justify their budget. This has been the tradition. It is curious that NASA considers cosmogony science.

A1: But the Nobel Laureates measured the radiation predicted by the Big Bang theory.

Dr. G: Really? The most distinguished Nobel Laureates measured local white noise. They obtained an immense database made of white noise. They analyzed this white noise and drew a media pleasing attractive map. They never measured anything else.

Elitist obscurantism

2006-10-03T22:12:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Why is the String Theory so crucial in human understanding of nature?

Doctor Gravytee: It is not. String Theory is an elitist obscurantism who markets the absurd as the true science.

A1: In other words, String Theory is the modern name of scholasticism.

Dr. Gravytee: Yes. Scholasticism has acquired a bad reputation so we had to rename it to something more marketable.

Marketing Alphysics

2006-10-02T20:22:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Clicking the "Marketing" label under Labels pulls up three of your greatest posts: The Equality Symbol, Not Even Wrong, and The Hierarchy.

Doctor Gravytee: Marketing drives Alphysics. Not Even Wrong is a Very Scholastic Old Polemics. The Third Truth is loved by Doctors of any kind. And every generation discovers it anew and gives it a new label and sells more books.

A1: Do you equate Marketing to polemics?

Dr. G: The equality sign is a dangerous polemical tool. It has absolute authority. Since it defines the sentence of the language used by Doctors of Alphysics, the almathematics, therefore, it has tremendous authority. Most people cannot even look at a sentence which contains some symbols arranged on either side of an equality sign. They are so scared of such a monster.

A1: The Hierarchy?

Dr. G: The Hierarchy is marketing too. Doctors of Alphysics use the strict hierarchical structure of their industry as proof of its absolute authority.

A1: Alphysics lies in the fringes of the giant entertainment industry therefore it is inevitable that it is driven by marketing.

Dr. G: Nature is written in the language of marketing.

The greatest genius ever lived

2006-10-01T19:41:00.000-04:00

Admin1: According to a new study Newton has been rated the greatest genius ever lived?

Doctor Gravytee: Newton was indeed a genius.

A1: What kind of proof do you have for that?

Dr. G: Newton discovered gravity.

A1: What does this mean?

Dr. G: Newton defined the laws of the universe.

A1: Are you talking about the so-called Newton's laws?

Dr. G: Yes. Newton's laws are still valid even if we need to modify them here and there a little bit.

A1: You don't think there is a Newton myth.

Dr. G: There is a Newton myth. And rightly so. Newton's genius is beyond any mortal's comprehension.

A1: But Newton did not know about the String Theory. Newton did not know about Einstein's theory of General Relativity. It seems that since he failed to discover such elegant theories of nature he cannot be such a huge genius.

Dr. G: There is no measure of genius. Newton established the modern field of science today we call Alphysics. He is the founding father of Alphysics. To recognize this fact Doctors of Alphysics defined the fundamental unit of Alphysics to be Newton.

A1: Have you read Newton's Principia?

Dr. G: No. What for?

A1: But Newton's Principia is the greatest scientific book ever written.

Dr. G: No doubt about that.

A1: Is it also the fundamental book of Alphysics?

Dr. G: It is. But most Doctors of Alphysics do not know this fact.

The equality symbol

2006-09-30T17:39:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Therefore, in simple and definite terms, whatever is written in what Doctors of Alphysics call "mathematics" can be translated into common language we call English without any loss of meaning or precision.

Doctor Gravytee: This is not true at all. You can never translate any mathematical statement into English.

A1: Really?

Dr. G: Really. Statements of the kind of mathematics used by Doctors of Alphysics have multiple meanings. If you try to translate any mathematical statement into English you would end up with multiple contradictory sentences for every mathematical statement of the Doctors.

A1: So actually mathematical statements are not precise.

Dr. G: Not at all. How can a mathematical statement be precise if its fundamental symbol, the equality symbol, has at least 7 meanings.

A1: But Doctors of Alphysics claim that their mathematics is so precise that it is the only scientific language.

Dr. G: This is true. Each one of the every contradictory mathematical statements is precisely true in their own spacetime, in their own universe and in the university of the Doctor of Alphysics.

A1: Outside its proper domain then mathematical statements are only speculations.

Dr. G: More than speculations. They are speculative scenarios of extreme precision.

A1: This is very entertaining.

Dr. G: Alphysics is entertainment.

A1: I thought Alphysics was marketing.

Dr. G: Alphysics is what Doctors of Alphysics say it is.

A1: Precisely?

Dr. G: Very precisely.

Almathematics

2006-09-28T23:32:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Is there a one to one relation between what Doctors of Alphysics call "mathematics" and the English language?

Doctor Gravytee: Your question is an important one. Remember that Doctors of Alphysics use mathematics as authority. This is a well established tradition. What Doctors of Alphysics call mathematics is not something that non-Doctors of Alphysics can understand. This is by definition.

A1: I don't understand. Not only there is no possibility of translation between what Doctors of Alphysics call mathematics and the English language but by definition Doctors of Alphysics are the official translators of the language of mathematics into English.

Dr. G: Yes. You don't understand. Mathematics is a hidden language which is revealed only to Doctors of Alphysics. Mathematics is a language which is by definition not available to non Doctors.

A1: Buy why does this language called mathematics has such a powerful authority on human reason?

Dr. G: Doctors of Alphysics have created the propaganda that only what they call mathematics can reveal the truth about nature.

A1: This is strange. Doctors of Alphysics have made no new discoveries about nature for two millennia.

Dr. G: This is how the society works.

Not even not wrong

2006-09-27T19:38:00.000-04:00

Admin1: For every Doctor of Alphysics who says that the String Theory is true there is an equal number of Doctors of Alphysics who say that the String Theory is wrong. And there is another equal number of Doctors of Alphysics who say that String Theory is not even wrong.

Doctor Gravytee: True indeed. In Alphysics hundred per cent need to add up to hundred per cent.

A1: More importantly what is to be gained by criticizing such an Elegant Theory as the String Theory?

Dr. G: What is more important than selling books? The more controversy there is the more books are sold. So the Most Famous Doctor of Alphysics Doctor Greene and the Lesser Famous Doctor of Alphysics Doctor Woit hail from the same famous center of Alphysics, Columbia University. Both write books. Both books sell more because of the apparent controversy created by apparently conflicting views.

A1: Great Alphysical debate. Either way String Theory wins

Dr. G: String theory will be overthrown in due time in fifty years by the next generation. This is the natural cycle of theories in Alphysics.

A1: So it doesn't really matter if String Theory is right or wrong?

Dr. G: String Theory is neither right nor wrong neither it is not even wrong not and not even not even wrong not. String Theory fulfills a real necessity in our society. String Theory is a religion. People want the Doctors of Alphysics define for them the cosmic grid telling them "you are here." There is no reason to criticize Doctors of Alphysics for authoritatively defining this grid for the general population.

The Hierarchy

2006-09-27T18:59:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Modern Alphysics is more hierarchical than any period since its founding by Newton.

Dr. Gravytee: Not really. Alphysics has always being about hierarchy. But previous generations of Doctors have been more careful in keeping the hierarchy invisible to the general public. Fame seeking Doctors of today found out that they gain easy fame by popularizing The Theory. With more exposure comes more scrutiny and more visibility.

A1: The Alphysical authority is tied to the number of books Doctors can sell.

Dr. Gravytee: Yes and No. Everyone who wants to understand modern Alphysics must watch the NOVA movie which was first aired in 2003. In that movie you would clearly see the strict hierarchical structure of the Alphysics industry.

A1: What I saw most in the NOVA movie was the most famous Doctor of Alphysics Doctor Greene being the star of countless special effects. The line separating the ridiculous and string theory is indeed a fine one.

Dr. G: The Most Famous Doctor of Alphysics Doctor Greene is the spokesperson and the face of Alphysics. For marketing reasons we cannot make the Highly Esteemed Doctor of Alphysics Doctor Inverted M to be the face of the profession. NOVA movie is really a recruiting propaganda so The Most Famous Doctor of Alphysics Doctor Greene has done a good job going through all the cliches of special effects.

A1: Are you saying that the Most Esteemed Doctor of Alphysics Doctor Inverted M Witten is really the ultimate authority?

Dr. G: Yes and No. First notice that The Most Famous Doctor of Alphysics Doctor Greene has the most exposure. But Doctor Greene reports to Doctor Inverted M who only is seen walking mysteriously in Princeton where Einstein also walked. Do you get the connection?

A1: The way The Ultimately Most Famous Crippled Doctor Hawking occupies the old wheelchair of Newton in Cambridge, The Most Esteemed Doctor Inverted M occupies Einstein's walking paths in New Jersey. This is genius by association.

Dr. G: In the NOVA movie you see that The Most Famous Doctor Greene personifies the Elegance that is String Theory. Then not so photogenic Doctor inverted M is seen walking in the woods of Princeton where Einstein walked to suggest that He is the Top Genius by association. Therefore, by Stringy logic, Einstein, Witten and Greene are all cosmic class geniuses. And then you see the poor rank and file genius of Alphysics who are allowed only to utter one sentence hyping the string theory. And note, very important, the rank and file are filmed in their office but to emphasize their low level in the hierarchy they are all superimposed on the same corny background with blinking lights. Do you get it?

A1: Yes. I think I do. They don't even get to walk the paths of wisdom in Princeton and they are not involved with any special effects. But this String Theory must be an Alphysical force to be reckoned with. Some of the so called rank and file are Nobel Laureates.

Dr. G: Indeed. Nobel laureates of previous generations know nothing about string theory. They don't even understand it. That's why they just want to ride the wave of String Theory and get quoted in NOVA so that they can promote their own books.

A1: This is all so fascinating from a marketing point of view. What does it have to do with Alphysics?

Dr. G: You got it! Alphysics is Marketing!

Principles

2006-09-26T22:27:00.000-04:00

Admin1: What is mathematics and what is its relation to the String Theory?

Doctor Gravytee: Good question. According to the M Principle of the String Theory no word starting with M can have any meaning that can be known by Doctors of Alphysics. So if you ask a Doctor of Alphysics What does M in M-Theory stand for? he would reply that M stands for Matrix, Mystery, inverted W and all of the above and none of the above and Multiples of all of the none of the above. Therefore, mathematics is elegantly mysterious in String Theory.

A1: This M Principle is more powerful than all the other principles of Alphysics combined.

Dr. G: Yes. The Cosmological Principle, Mach Principle, Einstein's Equivalence Principle, Lorentz Principle, Witten Principle, Greene Principle... the list goes on and on. M Principle unifies all the previous principles of Alphysics.

A1: Wouldn't be nice to have a Principle to stop Doctors of Alphysics from inventing any more principles?

Dr. G: No. Alphysics is an experimental science.

Scholastic sham

2006-09-26T19:20:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Not only ants crawling on visual illusionistic light poles but coffee cups and doughnuts have elegant significance in human understanding of the elegant universe.

Doctor Gravytee: Since a coffee cup and a doughnut have the same shape therefore the universe is elegant and the string theory is correct and 11 dimensions exists.

A1: Is this what you call the scholastic sham?

Dr. G: This is stringy logic. The six figure book contracts exist therefore string theory is right, wrong and not even wrong.

Stringy logic

2006-09-25T19:30:00.000-04:00

Admin1: The incomprehensibly elegant mathematicism of the The Theory predicts that we are living in a universe in which visual illusions exist.

Doctor Gravytee: The Theory has predicted to the Doctors of Alphysics that visual illusion is a reality. Therefore, when you look at a New York City traffic light pole you notice that the metal wires securing the red, yellow and green lights are flat. As you zoom closer and closer with a powerful camera you then notice dazed ants crawling on the metal wires. The incredible discovery that Doctors of Alphysics have made is that the metal wires holding New York City light poles are actually three dimensional and not two dimensional.

A1: Doctors of Alphysics spend at least two decades cramming Alphysics in their academic dens. When Doctors of Alphysics are not cramming Alphysics they relax by watching Star Wars and Saturday Morning Cartoons. No wonder they are totally unaware that metal poles are three dimensional.

Dr. G: Yes. Doctors of Alphysics live in a cartoon universe and not surprisingly the universe they defined is a cartoon universe where special effects are believed to be real. Of course, Doctors of Alphysics do not name their universe Saturday Morning Cartoons Universe, they call their universe Einstein-DeSitter Universe, which sounds better don't you think.

A1: Therefore, Doctors of Alphysics used the most elegant mathematicism of The Theory and realized that The Theory predicted that we are living in a universe so elegant that visual illusions exist. And since visual illusions exist therefore 11 dimensions exist.

Dr. G: This is one of the most elegantly striking stringy logic ever used by Doctors.

A1: Just to clarify. It is the elegant mathematicism of The Theory which told Doctors that visual illusions exist, right?

Dr. G: Yes, indeed. Doctors of Alphysics are using the simple illustration of ants crawling on New York City light posts to illustrate to low grade humanity who are not familiar with the Stringy logic the elegant mathematicism. Civilians otherwise would not be able to comprehend this stringy logic.

A1: I see. The existence of visual illusions is proved by the elegantine mathematicism of the most stringy kind. And without it humanity would never have known that visual illusions existed.

Dr. G: The simple is incomprehensible to Doctors of Alphysics. But super ugly elegantine mathematicism Doctors of Alphysics use to express the simple statement "visual illusions exist therefore 11 dimensions exist" makes elegant sense to them.

A1: In the Nova movie the elegantinely stringy mathematicism of the theory is written on the blackboard with chalk. The result of such a nostalgic activity cannot be wrong. While a simple statement such as "visual illusions exist therefore 11 dimensions exist" has no meaning without the elegantine mathematicism of The Theory.

Dr. G: Without knowing the stringy mathematicism you cannot understand the deep and elegant symbolism of ants crawling on New York City light posts.

String Theory predicts...

2006-09-24T11:02:00.000-04:00

Admin1: What does String Theory predicts... mean?

Doctor Gravytee: The spin of String Theory is exactly the same as the spin Newton put on his Principia. This is why Newton's genius as the founder of modern alphysics as marketing is undisputed.

A1: The cosmogonic spin goes back to the beginning of history, it was not invented by Newton.

Dr. G: The basic scholastic sham has not changed a bit for millennia. But Newton perfected it and set down its laws. Using Newton's laws of marketing Doctors of Alphysics created the String Theory brand and they are fine tuning it continuously.

A1: What is the scholastic sham?

Dr. G: Identify three concepts:

True Knowledge
The tool used to discover True Knowledge
The Priests who used the tool to discover True Knowledge

Realize that True Knowledge is only visible to the Priests because the Priests have sacrificied at least 100 thousand dollars to the Gods of the Ivy and wasted their best years to cram an ugly spaghetti code they don't understand and never use. Obviously a civilian who did not make these sacrificies to the true Gods of Ivy Science will never be able to understand True Knowledge. Therefore, in order to recover at least some of their sacrifice Doctors of Alphysics obtain six figure book contracts to demystify True Knowledge to people who do not have access to True Knowledge.

A1: I read countless Elegant Demystifying books and I still don't know what True Knowledge is.

Dr. G: This is how it should be. There is no True Knowledge. Doctors of Philosophy define their Tool du Jour as the Absolute True Knowledge. Doctors of Alphysics love the Hidden.

A1: So hidden dimensions Doctors are telling us about will never be visible to anyone else but to Doctors of Alphysics.

Dr. G: This is not true. In order to attain Hidden Dimensions Nirvana you must buy and read carefully the books on Elegant Universes.

A1: So the sham is that Doctors of Alphysics tell non-Doctors that they have this Hidden Language called Mathematics which told them that absurd is commonplace. Doctors of Alphysics tell rational people that since they don't know the Hidden Language of Doctors they have to take Doctors' word and believe that Nature is absurd.

Dr. G: Yes. This is a foolproof pyramid scheme. If a rational non-Doctor takes Doctors' sham seriously and studies the Hidden Language for two decades then what happens? Will the True Knowledge be visible to him? No. Of course not. The poor previously rational man now finds out that he spent two decades learning a dead language. He has no choice but go along with the sham and now he tells other rational people to study the Hidden Language for enlightenment.

A1: Doctors' sham is religious indoctrination.

Dr. G: Yes. All cosmogonic systems are religious systems. All cosmogonic systems are presented as science.

A1: This is how people want it.

Dr. G: Yes.

M as in Marketing

2006-09-24T08:07:00.000-04:00

Admin1: How do Doctors of Alphysics justify their absurd claims?

Doctor Gravytee: If it can be done as a special effect it is possible in Nature.

A1: This is a big advance from the previous generation of Doctors of Alphysics who based their absurd claims on the authority of mathematics.

Dr. G: Modern Alphysics has revolutionized how Alphysics is done. In classical Alphysics Doctors used, or abused is the better word, the authority of mathematics to support their absurd claims. Today's Doctors realized that what their audience remembers is the special effects not some cryptic alphysical symbols.

A1: This is only a rebranding. The essential idea is the same. Doctors of Alphysics reason by authority.

Dr. G: Yes. Alphysics is all about marketing and branding. You can see in the NOVA movie that Alphysics is at the cutting edge of modern marketing.

A1: Alphysics is marketing state of the art. I am preparing a list of marketing elements in Alphysics and I put the concept of M Theory on top of my list.

Dr. G: Making M so mystical was the greatest marketing idea in the universes.

A1: It was fascinating to watch all the Doctors of Alphysics coyly stating that they did not know what M was. They then offered cute suggestions.

Dr. G: Coca Cola, the master of pure marketing, also uses this technique. They have created a mystique by never disclosing what their "secret ingredient" is.

The most famous Doctor of Alphysics

2006-09-23T19:36:00.000-04:00

Admin1: You agree that the latest episode of Nova with the most famous Doctor of Alphysics, Doctor Greene, proves beyond any doubt that The M-Theory is experimentally correct beyond any doubt. But it is so sad to watch someone who seems to be intelligent otherwise to believe in the falling apple dogma of Newtonism.

Doctor Gravytee: The Theory exists because Doctors of Alphysics such as Doctor Greene are priests of Newtonism.

A1: Why do you say that?

Dr. G: You call Doctor Greene an intelligent person. Probably he is. Up to a point. But his Newtonian indoctrination makes it impossible for him to see the world the way it really is. You see, Doctor Greene is a Newtonian Doctor of Philosophy. He is a Doctor of Alphysics.

A1: You mean he is a scholastic?

Dr. G: Of course. Not only a scholastic but he is a PRIEST of Newtonism. Newtonism is a religion. If you are aware of this fact the Nova movie makes sense. The most famous Doctor Greene cannot tell a definition from a proportionality. He has a dogmatic faith in Newtonian doctrine. For him Newton is absolutely right. Since he is unable to question the Newtonian doctrine he creates a string of lies he calls The Theory of Strings to justify his Newtonian indoctrination.

A1: This is a serious accusation.

Dr. G: There is no accusation. In the Nova episode you see the apples fall in a desert and you watch and hear the most famous Doctor of Alphysics Doctor Greene reiterate the authority of Newton by saying that Newton discovered the laws of gravity. This is a criminal statement.

A1: Do you mean to say that the most famous Doctor of Alphysics Doctor Greene is guilty of crimes against science?

Dr. G: Exactly.

A1: Then people are right. You are just jealous of the most famous Doctor of Alphysics Doctor Greene.

Dr. G: Not at all. He is a popularizer. The Theory needs evangelists like the most famous Doctor of Alphysics Doctor Greene.

Scientific Spinal Tap

2006-09-23T19:21:00.000-04:00

Admin1: This is fascinating. In our time, in just a few decades Doctors of Alphysics proved with impeccable mathematicism of The Theory that the world is made of strings and the world is not made of strings.

Doctor Gravytee: You are right and you are wrong. Alphysics is most elegant. Since the official unit of elegance in alphysics is Greene you see that Doctor Greene himself is the proof that we are living in an elegant universe.

A1: There are rumors that you are jealous because the most famous Doctor of Alphysics Greene is more famous than you and while you only have a blog the most famous Doctor Greene has his own Nova movie with state of the art computer graphics allowing him to prove all the cliches of postmodern media, by walking out of movie screens, by sitting next to himself in a movie theater and traveling in time. Is The Theory really the theory of old postmodern movie gimmicks?

Dr. G: The Theory is a marketing gimmick. The most famous Doctor Greene is a celebrity. He is paid by the giant publishing industry. For the most famous Doctor Greene the universe looks like whatever sells. Elegant sells. Therefore the universe is elegant.

Doctors of Alphysics discover computer graphics

2006-09-23T18:49:00.000-04:00

Admin1: The most famous Doctor of Philosophy Doctor Greene has discovered that computer graphics is the natural medium of The Theory.

Doctor Gravytee: The most famous Doctor of Philosophy Doctor Greene discovers that computer graphics is the natural medium of the string theory and proves that the M-Theory in Nova causing yet another revolution of the Theory.

A1: So The Theory has now been proved?

Dr. G: Yes. As Greene proved in the Nova episode The Theory is absolutely positively experimentally correct in every respect. Not only in this universe but in every parallel universe.

A1: How elegantly beautiful.

Life Doctors

2006-09-22T23:50:00.000-04:00

Admin1: The Life Peers of the House of Lords and the Life Doctors of House of Alphysics have something in common.

Doctor Gravytee: Indeed. Both have their title for life. Doctors of Alphysics are the only professionals who report to no higher authority. They are peerless. Indeed very good analogy.

A1: Life Peers of the House of Lords are not productive humans who contribute to the wellbeing of humanity. Their only concern is their own peerage.

Dr. Gravytee: This is how it should be. Doctors of Alphysics too own a title and a land, in their case an intellectual estate they have acquired. The professional life of the Doctor of Alphysics is dedicated in protected his estate.

A1: Life Peers of the House of Lords have immense authority simply because they have inherited their authority.

Dr. Gravytee: A Doctor of Alphysics also inherits his estate. He is first an acolyte, then he is admitted into the Brotherhood and he owns the estate. No one can take his estate from him.

Unification of professioal fields

2006-09-21T19:38:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Doctors divided nature into academic fields so that a Doctor can master a section during an academic career.

Doctor Gravytee: In Alphysics the academic glory comes to the Doctor who markets himself as the superhuman genius who mastered something about nature that no one else is able to understand. Since nature is simple Doctors of Alphysics invent a complicated language and define it as the true laws of nature. Sharing and collaboration is not valued in Alphysics. This is true for all other scholastic fields where Doctors dominate the field.

A1: Is this the reason why nature is so fragmented?

Doctor G: Yes. Doctors divided nature into intellectual bite size portions understandable to humans.

A1: There is collaboration in Alphysics. We see papers written by several authors, sometimes by hundreds of authors, especially in particle Alphysics.

Dr. G: Those are not really collaborations. Doctors divide the tasks of analyzing a huge chunk of data obtained by giant computers into smaller chunks and each group analyzes its own data.

A1: Will a unification of academic fields help human wellbeing?

Dr. G: Maybe. Unification of academic fields is not good for the wellbeing of Doctors so it will never happen.

A1: An open knowledge movement in academia is a dream?

Dr. G: No. It is a joke.

Fabric of spacetime

2006-09-20T20:49:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Design is the foundation of Alphysics. This is not surprising. What is surprising is that so many of Alphysicists are specialists in textile design.

Dr. Gravytee: The fabric of spacetime is the fundamental concept of Alphysics.

A1: There are so many absolutely ultimately genuinely fundamental concepts in Alphysics that the fabric of spacetime must be the first among equally fundamentals.

Dr. G: The fundamental nature of the fabric of spacetime is proved by the ubiquitous computer graphic showing a sickly rendered Photoshop sphere warping the weft and warp of the fabric of spacetime.

A1: I know that triple X revolution of The Theory proves mathematically that Photoshop spheres only should warp the warp and not the weft of spacetime.

Dr. G: The computer artists who draw those graphics are not Doctors of Alphysics. And the editors who publish them in glossy magazines are not Doctors of Alphysics.

A1: And readers who read those glossy magazines are not Doctors of Alphysics either.

Dr. G: Doctors of Alphysics know that the computer graphics are marketing tools. Our culture has moved away from the geometrical to pictorial. In geometry every line and every point has a precise meaning. That is why geometry is so boring. By moving from geometric and scientific to pictorial Doctors of Alphysics created a new revolution. No longer lines and points reference to precise quantities. Instead they are pictorial elements existing to impress the viewer.

A1: Doctors of Alphysics still use the authority of geometry and mathematics even though what they do is not mathematical but pictorial.

Dr. G: Yes. Alphysics has freed science from the shackles of rationalism.

True until proven otherwise

2006-09-19T21:37:00.000-04:00

Admin1: The next generation of colliders are upon us.

Doctor Gravytee: These will be the space colliders. NASA is building a collider which will circle the earth. Taken the rate with which NASA is building the space station a collider circling the earth will be ready in two centuries.

A1: Present Doctors of Alphysics do not have to worry about their experimental propositions ever being disproved during their academic lifetimes.

Dr. G: In alphysics theoretical speculations are experimental truths until proved otherwise.

A1: NASA guarantees to make new discoveries with the new collider and they have been soliciting new discoveries to be included in the contract to be signed with contractors.

Dr. G: My discovery of fractional dimensions is already proved by the space collider since my proposal has been accepted by NASA.

Anything goes

2006-09-18T20:18:00.000-04:00

Admin1: A Doctor of Medicine was sentenced to serve a year in prison for faking his research data.

Dr. Gravytee: Doctors of Medicine are practitioners not theoretical doctors and they let their industry be regulated. Alphysics is not a regulated industry. And it will not be regulated ever. If you regulate alphysics it will simply reduce to mere science.

Logical Alphysics

2006-09-17T17:33:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Is the kind of logic used by Doctors of Alphysics superior to reasonable logic used by ordinary reasonable people?

Doctor Gravytee: What you call "ordinary logic" is very limited in its scope and it is useless in the kind of scientific work we are doing. Let me show you how ordinary logic fails in alphysics. As an ordinary reasoner you would look at Hubble's observation that galaxies are moving away from each other and conclude that galaxies were once closer together. This is the reasonable conclusion from the available evidence. There is nothing which told Hubble that the galaxies visible from the corner of the universe where humans lived constituted the entire universe. But for Doctors of Alphysics Hubble's observations provided "a dramatic confirmation" of general relativistic prediction that the Universe is expanding.

A1: The conclusion that the spreading galaxies necessarily means that sometime in the past all matter and space was concentrated in the form of a primordial atom with infinite density, temperature and pressure and with a diameter equal to zero is the result of Alphysics reasoning.

Dr. G: Yes. Without the scientific alphysics reasoning you could never make the greatest scientific discovery of the creation of the universe.

General Relativity survives

2006-09-16T19:46:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Einstein's General Relativity survives yet another test, the newspapers report.

Dr. Gravytee: Einstein's General Relativity is the most frequently proved unproved theory ever. This is pure alphysics. Doctors could never get enough of proving General Relativity.

A1: The article also says that Einstein's General Relativity replaced Newton's theory of gravity.

Dr. G: Einstein's General Relativity is a variation of Newton's theory. You only need to look at Einstein's equations.

A1: I am looking at Einstein equations. The most beautiful set of symbols ever written by a human being. Do you want me to include the cosmological constant or not.

Dr. G: It doesn't matter. Cosmological constant come and go. There are Doctors of alphysics who specialize in removing and reinstating the cosmological constant according to the cosmic winds prevelant at academia at the moment. Try to locate the other constant term in Einstein's equations.

A1: Yes. I see it. It is the G. The Newton's constant of gravity.

Dr. G: For the time being, you are right, G is known as Newton's constant of gravity. We are working to rename G to be the fundamental constant of The Theory. So G is really the constant of Elegance.

A1: Would Einstein's General Theory of Relativity work better with the elegant G rather than the Newtonian G.

Dr. G: No doubt. Once G is combined with the cosmological constant Einstein's equations will be infinitely more elegant.

A1: Are you proposing G_lambda?

Dr. G: G_lambda is the unified fundamental constant of nature. What a universal remote control is to your entertainment gadgets at home G the unified universal constant of nature is to alphysics.

A1: What is its value?

Dr. G: Our group is working to define its value so that it agrees with all the past and future constants of nature defined by alphysicists.

A1: Great. I can imagine the headlines: "The universal constant of nature G proves Einstein's General Theory of Relativity."

Dr. G: Yes. In alphysics, once a theory is established it can never be removed. It could only be proved again and again.

A1: And again and again until science come.

Error

2006-09-15T20:17:00.000-04:00

Admin1: Mathematics and experiment are the two pillars upon which the great edifice of Alphysics has been built. What is the third pillar?

Doctor Gravytee: Absurd.

A1: Absurd?

Dr. G: Yes. Absurd is the third pillar of Alphysics. It is very easy to understand this. Doctors of Alphysics have universal authority to define what science is. Mathematics and experiment are parts of science. Therefore, Doctors of Alphysics have absolute authority over both math and experiment.

A1: How can a person have authority over mathematics?

Dr. G: The rules of mathematics are defined by Doctors of Alphysics. In mathematics there are no errors.

A1: Of course there are errors in mathematics. If you try to divide one by zero you get an error message: "ERROR! DIVISION BY ZERO."

Dr. G: For a Doctor of Alphysics such an error message is as serious as an error message given by Windows. Doctor simply hits the cancel key and defines the error as the new rule. He may even be given the Nobel Prize for such a discovery.

A1: I see. Division by zero used to be an error but it is no longer an error. Doctors defined it to be a singularity.

Dr. G: You got it.

Marketing

2006-09-14T18:43:00.000-04:00

Admin1: They say that the fundamental concept of Nature is not force or even elegance but it is marketing.

Doctor Gravytee: Take a look at a flower. It is a billboard designed to attract butterflies.

A1: Then we can make scientific discoveries by applying marketing methods on Nature.

Dr. G: When you ask a question to Nature you have to put that question in a way that nature can understand it. Otherwise you won't get an answer.

A1: It is hoped that one day The Theory will come up with a question to ask to Nature.